It's currently 3:44AM and I have to be up in a few hours.

After a long period of time of having literally $2 in my checking account, I should be getting paid for a website I built tomorrow, so that will be nice. Otherwise, I hope we don't need anything. The GOOD news (sarcasm) is that they up'd our credit limit on the card so we have that in case of any emergencies.

I really need to go to sleep.

I have been on another long streak of being uncreative. I really hate that. I keep listening to music and thinking - I could ABSOLUTELY make something better than that crap… I could make something worth listening to… and then remembering that I haven't finished or released any of my music that I actually think is worth something because I think that it sucks or needs work… and I think about my art that I never work on any more and how there are hundreds of artists making millions of dollars "creating" crap and that I wish I could just make a few pieces and even just bring in a couple hundred bucks a month. And then I think about my skills as a graphic designer and as a programmer and think about how I only bring in like $600 bucks a month and how shitty that is and get super depressed. I think I'm feeling one of those sleep deprivation buzzes where you almost feel like you're drunk or high because you're so tired that everything feels and seems a little different.

So I felt like typing out a stream of consciousness blog.

And then I did that.

Or rather, I AM doing that.

Anyway, I hope that I can make something this week that's going to bring in some extra money. I'll definitely have the time since I'm not getting too many extra hours at work. (I only have 15 this week… If I want to move out of this piece of garbage, sham of a house, we both have to be making equivalent to 30 hours minimum wage (but I make about $1 WHOLE dollar above minimum wage, so we're cool [:|]).

I just feel like I'm wasting my skills but I also feel like I never have time and it just sucks and everything sucks.

But it doesn't.

Because technically I have everything I should want: A beautiful son who is a gigantic cute-monster (he's 5 months in 18month clothes), a beautiful wife who is loving and supportive (even when I don't see it or acknowledge it, and I'm not homeless.

I just feel like I need a better job, one that actually will both help me with my future goals AND actually is fulfilling to some extent. I sell people who know nothing about computers computers and then push tech support and protection plans that I honestly don't feel bad about because most of these people will just end up buying a new computer when this one breaks because that's what they're in here for now because even though they say they have a cousin Jerome who can fix computers and thats just who they'll go to when something happens, he is always drunk and never answers the phone and takes two months to fix a two day max problem and it will just save them time and/or money in the long run. I know this doesn't make sense and has grammatical errors and, but I really don't feel like rereading this paragraph.

My butt hurts because I'm sitting in the bathroom because it feels like it's the only place I can think anymore. I love taking showers. I take really long showers.

Juurian's teamspeak movie night was fun, even though it was just me and him. We talked quite a bit about the plethora of interpretations that could be inferred by the questions and observations brought up by the underlying metaphors that the film was soaked in. Being John Malkovich, while I recommended it previously, after seeing it a second time is one of the greater films that have ever been filmed. And that is NOT the sleep (or rather lack thereof) talking.

I wish I was smarter.

My butt still hurts.

I think I'm gonna (I first typed that as "going" but changed it to the way I said and thought of it initially) go.

Edit: I REALLY want to hang out with Seth Rogen.

Edit 3: I sometimes think I'm OCD, but I know I'm not but I think I might be ADD. I don't want to go get it officially recognized because I don't know what that will help… What do you guys think? Don't just answer this question, read the blog and comment on that first. Or don't comment. Solitude. Skyrim. Damn it, I swear to god that is my thought process, and this is a stream of consciousness blog so I typed it… but this is also a comment so technically I don't have to keep streaming… I don't know.

I do fix my errors sometimes. (I misplaced them on purpose to see if I get bothered.)

Edit 2: I've never been high. Probably not going to do that now that I'm a dad.

Edit 4: I'm probably not going to bed until someone comments. Guys, I have to go to bed. Please comment.