A novel, an opinion?

Posted by Dr_Eechmen on Oct. 15, 2006, 7:40 a.m.

I've started working on a novel… here's what I have done so far.

<hr>

Prelude

As John Richards stared at the hundreds of poor souls around him, he

wondered what had went wrong. Everything had gone according to plan. He had

broken into the hideout and transmitted the plans to HQ. As he was leaving, a

sudden movement caused him to turn around, but it was too late. The last thing he

remembered was a glimpse of the stock of a gun as it collided with his skull.

The door to the cell opened, and two masked men holding Ak-47s entered the room. "Are you the one called John?" the tallest one grunted as he poked John in the chest with the barrel of his gun.

"Yes, I am, what do you want me for?"

"Fool! Come this way, now!" the one who seemed in charge ordered.

As they marched John out of the room, John looked back at the faces of his fellow captives. They wouldn't get away with it.

"Over here!" The tall one growled, gesturing toward an opening in the corridor's wall with his gun.

John obeyed and walked through the opening, to find a dimly lit room with cruel looking devices decorating the walls.

"Sit." The leader ordered, pointing to a chair.

"Now put this on him." he said, handing the other a blindfold.

The tall one obeyed, blindfolding John and binding him to the chair. John heard the metallic clank of the door being locked as the guards left him.

A minute passed, then two, then three. Finally, John heard footsteps approaching. As they grew nearer, he noticed something strange about them. They seemed oddly metallic. He heard the door being unlocked, some talking in a language that was foreign to his ears, then silence.

A few minutes later, gunfire broke the silence, and the last thing John ever heard was a raspy voice saying "Nothing can stop us, nothing will stand in our way."

Chapter I

Jacques glanced down at his watch: 1500 hours; he was running late. He flagged down a taxi and told the driver to take him to the NATO headquarters. As he waited to arrive, he wondered what he was needed for. All the dispatch had said was that ‘an urgent situation had presented itself and needs an immediate response’.

The taxi arrived at the headquarters; Jacques paid the driver and stepped out of the taxi, which sped off in search of another customer. Jacques walked into the building and went to the conference room. A short Frenchmen shook Jacques’ hand, “Bonjour, Monsieur Badeau, I wish that we could have met under better circumstances, but duty calls.â€? An American CIA agent showed Jacques to his seat.

“Mr. Badeau, are you aware of what has transpired these last few days in the Hezbollah crisis?â€? an Israeli Mossad agent seated across the table inquired.

“I’m afraid not, sirâ€?

“I see, I’ll have Mr. Charles here brief you on the incidents,â€? the agent indicated a British M15 officer wearing civilian clothes.

“Last year, as you know, a massive conflict between Israel and the Hezbollah resulted in high tensions between Hezbollah and the Israelis.â€? Charles continued, “Recently, Israelis have been kidnapped, and often murdered. The Mossad held the Hezbollah, now the official governing body of Lebanon, accountable. The Hezbollah denied taking any part in the kidnappings, but the rate of these occurrences has increased. Recently, the USA’s CIA sent a team of seven investigators to a known Hezbollah hideout in hopes of finding proof of Hezbollah involvement. None of them returned when they were supposed too, but one was able to give us this before he was lost.â€?

Charles handed Jacques a printout, on which was a Hezbollah memo with references to a plot to assassinate the leaders of the G8. “This, this is horrible,â€? Jacques said under his breath as he began understanding the full implications of this threat.

“Yes, I know, that is why we’ve selected you to lead an infiltration into the Hezbollah stronghold. You are to retrieve as much information as possible on the plan, and, if you deem it necessary, kill any operatives assigned to the assassination team. Do you accept?â€? said the Mossad agent.

“I accept the assignment; however, may I inquire as to who I will be working with?â€? Jacques responded.

“Most certainly, you will be working with a CIA operative and a Russian SVR agent; Mr. Charles will lead a team consisting of a Dutch MIVD agent and a Mossad operative. Both teams will remain separate and keep a low profile, but you are to keep in constant contact in case assistance is required, understood?â€? the Mossad operative concluded.

“I understand.â€?

“Very well, now, if you’ll come with me, we’ll get you ready, we’ll deploy at 2200 hours. Dismissed.â€?

<hr>

What do you think? The first chapter might need some editing…

/edit

Ah cripes, no indentation… sorry about the screwy formatting.

Comments

twisterghost 18 years, 3 months ago

Nice so far. I like the writting style. I started a book, but decided it should be a mini-novel instead. As in…like 30 pages total or something. Still working on it >.>

REZ and Hobomonkeyc star in it along with other people.

sk8m8trix 18 years, 3 months ago

it seams too weird, maby you should make the characters think a little before doing something, i wouldnt accept a suicide mission right off the bat lol

and it should be
Quote:
Do you accept?� asked the Mossad agent.

Dr_Eechmen 18 years, 3 months ago

I like thrillers/suspense novels… the types that keep you wanting to read more etc. I've decided to introduce the characters over time through actions, not discriptions, which I will admit made chapter one confusing. Still, thanks for the feedback.

OL 18 years, 3 months ago

I wrote a story like this for my GCSE English coursework, it was about the SAS and terrorists, and had to hand it in right after the London Underground bombings.

Polystyrene Man 18 years, 3 months ago

I've written quite a few stories just for fun. None of them have surpassed 300 pages, though, so I can't call them novels. I've gotten to 250 on one, though.

Dr_Eechmen 18 years, 3 months ago

Nice, my goal is for at least 300 pages, though I probably won't reach it on my first 'book'…

sk8m8trix 18 years, 3 months ago

well its good, you just have to smooth out the bumps, because i read a lot and this book has pretyy good potential, but you need to streach it out a bit, book that get right to the point arent that good (unless there learning books) i cried when i finished reading battle royale, i didnt want it to end.

Dr_Eechmen 18 years, 3 months ago

Trust me, it's going to be stretched out, and yes, it needs editing, but that comes later. Thanks for the comments!

KaBob799 18 years, 3 months ago

I like writing stories. I wrote one that got like 100 pages long o.0 but I lost one of the pages and I cant continue writing without it. I really need to find it =/

sk8m8trix 18 years, 3 months ago

to quote world of warcraft about bob799

Quote:
we are dealing with someone that has absolutely no life