I'm not happy. In fact, I was so mad the last twenty minutes I managed to only wake up from my self-fueling mental fit long enough to realize that I had just swept the entire floor, as per orders, without even being able to recall having done it.

A lot of you probably don't know this, but I have not been having a very fun couple of months lately. I started college full time, in addition to two high school courses. This is because for the moment, college for me is paid by the state (which will last until I graduate).

My course load is as follows:

Cellular and Molecular Basis of Life: MWF 9-9:50

Market Fundamentals: MWF 10-10:50

Newspaper Journalsm: MTWHF 11:24 - 12:49

Math: MTWHF 12:53 - 1:42

English 101: MWF 2-2:50

Biology Lab: T 3-4:50

Psychology of Adjustment: M 3:05-5:45

Overall, already more hours than I'd like to put in, but I'll not yet complain. It's when you start figuring in everything I have to do for those classes that it becomes entirely too much.

Those who know me best know that I'll give my all on two conditions: It needs done, and it needs done now.

However, this being my senior year in high school as well as my freshman year in college, THERE'S A LOT THAT "NEEDS" DONE "NOW".

Note the quotes; In actuality, only a small fraction is necessary, a slightly larger fraction I give a rat's ass about, and then a 26-hour-day load that it'd basically be good to have done. This includes:

- Senior OMFG U NEED A FUKKIN PICTURES

- Senior OMFG U NEED A FUKKIN CAPNGOWN

- Senior OMFG U NEED A FUKKIN CLASSRING

- Senior OMFG U NEED A FUKKIN <<out of thougts>>

- English 101 What is a hero to you? Paper

- English 101 What is a hero to you? Essay

- English 101 What is a hero to you? 9002 things to attend

- Newspaper Sponsor

- Biology lectures

- Economics homework that is just now piling up

- Math homework that is optional for me now

Now, that was the tip of the ice burg. I deliberately left a few terms unclear, to better <tear them a new airway> now:

First off, senior things.

Despite holding less worth to me than the net sum of all Linux kernel output, senior pictures and other graduation garbage evidently means something to my parents, which is odd considering that the best my dad can do is pretend to care about what I do on the computer (which is relevant as it is my entire life and ideally my future livelihood), and my mom doesn't even try to pretend to care. To where she asks what I'm doing and the answer is either "nothing" or "playing", because those are the only acceptable answers. In spite of all that, though, she would like to remember me as this smiling… whatever, I'm going to stop writing there, because I'm sure everyone else knows the feeling.

Second off, English things.

I like to think I'm a good writer. You've read this far, which means that either you agree, you're bored beyond mental capacity, or you are reading solely because you are amused by how bad my writing is. Ruling out the third and rationalizing that the second will come in minority, I assume I can actually write. Regardless, the first essay I turned in received a B-. My professor would then assign pages in our "Rules for Writers" handbook–which resembles the pocket style manual we received in high school in every aspect but the pocket size; same author, same garbage–according to areas we lack in, in an effort to help us improve. I find the method to be actually constructive, as opposed to the actions of teachers in high school, who scrawled one or two illegible comments in the margins and marked the paper according to their mood. HOWEVER, when I was handed back my essay, I received no such assignment. I asked her the day I discovered she had made such an assignment if I had left the paper on her desk, and she revealed to me that she had nothing to assign me. Makes me feel so much better about my B-.

Since then she has given me a B, followed by a B+. I believe that to be a psychological pry bar, which I replied to coolly as ever.

Have yet to hear from her on the subject.

Newspaper sponsors.

I haven't told many people I write for the school newspaper, because I was never as proud of it as I was my other achievements. This is probably because without realizing it was a highly selective program, I added all three courses to my schedule sequentially. I was met with literally no resistance, only learning that the course was selective when I had actually made it through the open intro course.

Anyway, I later found out that it's been elected the best high school newspaper in the country, and that there are actually colleges that ask my adviser for tips. Adviser is an odd word for him, really. He's more of a friend that runs classes. He doesn't mind being silly as long as work is being done, and he teaches us in a way that we actually didn't realize we were learning. He's one of three teachers in my school that do that; the other two will be going to the nation's capital to accept an award for a brainchild of theirs this month.

These statistics are odd in themselves. My school is located in my town. My town is located in scenic nowhere. Honestly, we're in this hole on the map. There's a blind spot on Google Earth where a concerned satellite would have taken a picture, if one could be assed to be concerned. (Actually, we finally have decent shots of our region as of a few months ago.) So really, no one around here would really believe me if I said anything came out of our school but city workers. I have often questioned my own knowledge, just knowing that all of it was obtained here in my town. We are nothing.

HOWEVER (again), it is part of my grade (50% of it, in fact) to go out and get a sponsorship of fifty dollars from random companies in the area every grading period (four total). "Hi, I know we're in the middle of the biggest economic crisis in 30 years, but would you mind sparing FIFTY DOLLARS for our school newspaper? It's actually been voted the best in the nation. We have an award for that somewhere, I believe, though I've never personally seen it. Anyway, just half of one hundred dollars. I mean, if you quantify it, that's only like, not even one night of eating out. Or like, eight coffees. Or four birthday cakes. But honestly, we're a good paper, and those cost money to run, and fifty bucks will make a difference if enough *click*"

The grade is fifty points; half the overall grade. I haven't turned it in yet, so my grade currently appears as a D, which caused my parents to FREAK THE HELL OUT the one time they actually checked in the last eight years. Honestly, I've had nothing buy glowing reports from anyone in an of my previous classes that had been graced with m presence (well, except, maybe, my English teachers who I just got done bashing. And my 11th grade physics teacher… And my keyboarding instructor… whatever, that's like four people). Anyway, because of that little incident, my parents were both treating me like my intellectually inept brother, which made me want to do a number of irrational things that inspired this blog. Basically, this was a safe and immediate way of venting.

I'm troubled now by the fact that something for half my grade lowered me only to a D, as well as the fact that my blog has exceeded the maximum size of this text box, and I've had to start scrolling. Maybe it's time for a new heading.

More English things

I didn't mention this before, and I'm afraid doing so now will destroy the rantlike flow of my blog, so I will record it now: MY ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT SUCKS. As I repeated in the list way up there, I have to write an essay about what a hero is to me. But, this personal account of my definition of a hero is first to be influenced by the opinion of everyone else around me through lectures I must attend (AKA not actually my opinion) and then on a separate, less formal paper, be again about what a hero is to me, this time totally unbiased and unopinionated (AKA still not my opinion). Okay, I'm exaggerating. We're supposed to use other people's opinions to reinforce our own, or something ridiculous like that, and then in the more formal essay simply not use "I". But still, both requirements are retarded.

Psychology on Mondays

It's bad enough I have to sit for three hours in any class on Monday. That makes my total requirements that day last roughly eleven hours. But in addition to that, the course is not what you'd expect from psychology. (Unless you are very well informed.)

What was supposed to teach me about the mind is instead teaching me about myself, in the most pitiful attempt to scrape into a deep sense I've ever seen. The class is essentially completely about self-improvement. It's an expensive counseling session with weekly quizzes. For a class that is supposed to teach self-improvement and facilitate boosts in self-esteem, this class has cost me more pride, dignity, and esteem than any other class to date. This includes Career Seminar and Advanced Foods, two classes conducted by someone who couldn't possibly have graduated high school.

Likewise, this man could not have received a doctorate. It is astounding to me that he has received a license in his field; much more that he manages to defend it. Well, it would astound me, but like I said, middle of nowhere. Doctors here almost killed me once, and these are medical professionals. This guy's a psychiatrist that got a job teaching at the college. (That part is not a joke; he is actually a psychiatrist doubling as a professor. The rest of the paragraph did hint at it).

Math/Economics

It's homework. I'll live. Economics is just now piing, as I said, but the class is easier than the high school version I am avoiding by taking it. They can't, after all, expect college students to memorize all this stuff.

Math homework for me is optional; I'm not actually special, either. It's optional so long as you retain an A on your test, which I've always done. However, the first week, evidently, was not optional, and I lost some points because of it. Early on, these points had caused a C, which my dad saw on the interim and duly started freaking over. Doesn't realize that the… six points? can be made up in one go of the extra credit contest next Tuesday. This is the contest I've won for the last couple years only because I needed the points to never have to do my homework back when it was not optional. This hasn't occurred to him yet, and so he freaks.

Anyway, I'm all rambled out now. I have ENIGMA things to do, which are currently distracting me. Thus, ciao.