So I forgot to tell you all about how the time I was nearly raped!

Posted by Kenon on Sept. 6, 2011, 2:15 a.m.

Alright this story is so good I gotta tell you all it.

So I'll give some background. I know this girl from high school who I'll call Iz. I met Iz when she threw a slice of watermelon at my face and basically shoved it into my ear. GREAT WAY TO MEET SOMEONE BTW. So like naturally I'm like "Fuck dat gurl" and go on to find out she's the most like me out of anyone at that high school, except she's female and replace math and sciences with books. Also she's kinda cute.

So this summer I would talk to her a ton because I had nothing better to do, I was in a forest and she was the only person awake at the time. We'd talk about STRANGE SHIT too. Like Bad Dragon. I found out she has something from there :| . Iz… why did we ever talk about that….

Anyways, so she has a fiance throughout all of this, and he's the artisan gamer type, like Clay, but more evil.

How can one get more evil than this though?

I start talking to him, her, and friends. Iz has got this got friend who I'd totally do in a heartbeat because she has AWESOME HAIR COLOR.

And as everyone on this website knows, I like girls with strange hair colors

OK getting on, about a month ago, Iz and her fiance broke up. Iz becomes depressed and I become worried. Luckily, on spur of moment one day, I'm like "HEY IZ WANNA GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT" and she's like "awwwww yeah". I woke up at like 4pm that day too. I wanted some oriental food bad. So I take her to a hibachi grill.

I'm not only attracted to hot girls, I'm also attracted to fire!

And I throw up while I'm there, but that's not that big of a deal. She likes it, I catch a piece of egg in my mouth. Etc. Blah blah blah. Fun time. We waste like an hour doing that.

Next, we just need to waste time because IDUNNO. I think we go to the mall in the town I lived in? Not sure, but it wasn't much. I remember meeting up with old acquaintances and having to tell them "No we aren't going out". Should have gone clothes shopping! OH WELL. Oh, or I should have BOUGHT A SWORD FROM THAT PLACE THAT SOLD THEM!

Fuck Yeah Swords!

Ok so at some point I get the brilliant idea to show her the computer I just built. It's like a beast computer and omg so sexy I'd do it right now if it was a woman but alas it's a guy! I can tell because he's quiet and cool temperatured! But it's sexy.

This is the Case

Ok so me and Iz go back to my place because I've told her about this beast and how cool it is and awesome and whatever and that she has to see it in person because REALLY IT'S AMAZING. Nearly as amazing as the song I'm listening to.

Seriously this song is amazing but my computer is moreso amazing

So there I am fawning over my computer for a while because omg srsly it's the greatest thing since ME, and she's all "damn that's hot, I'd do it if it were a guy" or something like that. I'm like "actually it's quite cold' or something stupid. Anyways, she wants caffeine or something? I dunno, I think I was like "OMG YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS STUFF" and made some CAFFEINATED HOT CHOCOLATE FOR HER while she was there. Meanwhile I mentioned something casually about that if we were to be in a relationship it would have to be open or something. Iz was like ">_> WHY?" and I'm like "Because I live in Austin and you live in NOT AUSTIN" and then she's like "orite *blush*". But back to the CAFFEINATED HOT CHOCOLATE PART.

It's THIS, but with CAFFEINE! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE IT

Ok so basically we've got 20 minutes to waste and I don't know what we're going to do with them so in my mind I'm like "STARCRAFT". Yeah, apparently that isn't what she was thinking. I saw a Cosmo magazine in her bag and I chuckled, I didn't think Iz read that stuff. She was like >_> and then in the course of like two seconds she asks a question I'm like O_O to.

"Do you like me?"

How the fuck do you react to someone who you see as a friend but are partially attracted to but you know they just broke up with their fiance with? I had to answer "Somewhat" because I didn't know at that moment! D:

Then she pounces on me while I'm sitting in my computer chair, and whispers the question of if I've ever kissed a girl to me. NOPE LOL. And then she rapes me. GG.

Ok so it wasn't flat out rape but there was groping! D: We didn't actually do anything purely sexual though I totally would have and I bet if we had more time she may have! But since then I've like been ATTRACTED to her, and she's like "No I can't use you I'd feel guilty! D:" when I would say "JUST FUCKING USE ME PLEASEEEEE D:" and shit like that.

Even puppy dog eyes didn't work :<

And now we're somehow just friends but like I'd still do her. No question. She'd probably rape me if she was given another chance too! But alas I'm an asshole to friends and Iz is NO EXCEPTION. So the other day when I was drunk I insinuated she was a slut, and then when I was REALLY drunk I apologized.

Oh yeah.

I fucking love getting drunk

END OF BLOG

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Comments

LAR Games 13 years, 3 months ago

That seal is terrifying.

Toast 13 years, 3 months ago

Ok please explain how it is rape if A you did nothing sexual and B you wanted it. That's the polar opposite of rape. Kthxbai.

JuurianChi 13 years, 3 months ago

She non-sexual y got off on him and he just sat there?

Toast 13 years, 3 months ago

I know? And that contradicts my argument how?

…I do not approve of your rhetoric, sir.

Polystyrene Man 13 years, 3 months ago

Quote:
We didn't actually do anything purely sexual though I totally would have and I bet if we had more time she may have!
Classic. Reminds me of the time I didn't win the lottery, but could have if I guessed the right numbers.

Kenon 13 years, 3 months ago

Well, at the time, I didn't exactly WANT it. That's the issue. Only like halfway through it did I! D:

Moikle 13 years, 3 months ago

so you did?

F1ak3r 13 years, 3 months ago

That was a pretty funny read.

Quietus 13 years, 3 months ago

Quote:
But since then I've like been ATTRACTED to her, and she's like "No I can't use you I'd feel guilty! D:" when I would say "JUST FUCKING USE ME PLEASEEEEE D:" and shit like that.
and she's only been broke up from her fiance for a month now? don't get your hopes up lol.

Praying Mantis 13 years, 3 months ago

This story made me think of Scott Pilgrim.