Hopefully they realize how crazy I am and make me do higher up stuff.

I'll explain why I decided to get myself into counseling. For the past few days, I've had premonitions of my death in the future and an overall down outlook on life. I mean down. My days have been slower, I've felt more low than I really ever have.

But, specifically of premonitions of my death, I forsee that I kill myself in Summer 2012. Especially if I do nothing with my life. It feels real.

Hell, I just rubbed a razorblade across my wrist and it felt good. Very good.

Oh yeah, where was I.

I feel as if music may be one of the few things keeping me trapped to this world. How it works with my brain and how I visualize is a great gift and I'm scared to give it up, but eventually I'll have to.

Otherwise, there's my extensive online connections and my seldom but existent friends and family. Moreso my friends than my family.

Is there something I can mention? Maybe that I'm in like as well. She's helping me hold on as well.

My first appointment is at 9:30 am Monday. Hope I make it until then!