They think that they have me beaten,

But Treejumper ain't no bitch,

Trolls I've been defeatin',

On my way to that fuckin' snitch,

Who ratted my ass out in the last town,

Just because I turned his foot to rock,

And apparently caused him to frown,

But that don't mean he has to lock down,

And send all these constructs after me,

I swear, I'm tired of these kobolds,

And, if ever from this trap I am freed,

I'm going to spend all my pieces of gold,

To scry and divine the location of he,

He thinks that he can always roll 20's,

But he's about to get a natural miss,

And the pain he will experience will be plenty,

Such that he could never dismiss.

When you fuck with a druid,

You risk your life in idiocy,

Masters of earth, tree, and fluid,

I very well may animate a tree,

Command my trents to destroy your town,

And send my eagle friends,

Let them peck your eyes, till they fall down,

And absolve you of all that I can,

Loot your corpse of every last piece of gold,

And the defamed wood that you do carry,

All so that I may let myself hold,

More wealth, but I must not tarry,

For I've an owlbear to slaughter,

As he infringed upon my living space,

I'll see you later, be fuckin' your daughter,

And shovin' your eyes right back in your face.