yes i am sure that you don't

remember how hope floats

or how i floated downstream

to your front door, it seems

that your sense of meaning

is sincerely lacking, condemning

my soul to eternal wondering

my heart is thundering

i wonder where you are

i wonder where i am.

i do not make any sense, some people say; to those people, i say that i make plenty of cents. in fact, i make 3250 cents every hour, give or take a few and taxes that get withdrawn out of that as well (which reminds me fuck taxes tbh they turn my 2500 pay check into a 2000 paycheck) but either way i ramble and go off on tangents when the real issue is that i just spend too much money way too often and then all the money disappears and when it disappears, i can't get gas, i can't get cannabis, i can't get tobacco, i can't get dxm, i can't get diphenhydramine, i can't get food, i can't get much of anything other than a very inconsistent dose of reality that i think as of yet i o/d on every time it hits me (could you imagine such a thrill)

but like various substances, i am very much consuming my own self, becoming enraptued within the hours and the minutes and the weeks and the days, the years all seem to run together but even if they did run together it wouldn't matter for the illusion of time is perhaps the greatest delusion of grandeur ever experienced by any one species (except the one that may have made a t rex feel immortal, if that's not just in my head and was a real thing) or any species yet to come but then again who is to say that we are the apex simians? an evolutionary ladder keeps descending (ascending if you must) towards more and more complex forms of life, so it seems natural to think that in 50,000 years we will have evolved away our need to use the restroom, and instead there will be no waste material because everything is all gone and oh by the way the humans are dead.

gdby