there's something almost maddeningly satisfying about coming back to something that you're used to, you know. nostalgia is great. this dark text box, however, is not great. of course, that's just all part of the user experience, so i'm going to go ahead and change this to white with the chrome developer tools…

anyways, i haven't been here in… what feels like years now. i know i sporadically will post a blog here every now and then, and I do intend to keep that habit up, but, what's the meaning of it all anyways? i started out merely as a gamer, coming to this community of such heady indviduals… and you want to know what the greatest part of it al? I can't remember any of it. Seems that after I'm done typing this bullshit manifesto out, I'm going to go and read everything I ever wrote here, because I'd love to see how I gradually spun out and became more insane as time went by.

Anyways. Let's do a checkin. You may know me as MahFreenAmeh. But nowadays, I use the moniker just oz. typically i only write in lower case because i'm lazy and holding down that damn shift button is just so difficult when you're oi didn dxm. at that, i don't get why people just tap the caps lock key, type a letter, then tap it again. I've seen that happen, and it literally makes 0 sense to me. but then again, a lot of what i do doesn't make sense to others, and that's okay. sometimes i choose to follow grammatical constructs and form proper sentences, etc… i don't know, i don't want to get too meta on that part.

i've become far more of a musician than i ever though i would have been. music is the only thing that makes sense to me some days. i find myself sitting around and joking that i'm trying to be the next john zorn, because i just have this almost enthrallment to inspiration and creativity… new soundclouds: http://soundcloud.com/ozshaman http://soundcloud.com/syzygy-antithesis

as i recall, i am quite well known for my walls of text, so this should not be any change. i used to be labeled a pseudointellectual, and i can see why that happened. you know that phrase, fake it till you make it? that's what i used to do. i remember when i first came here and posted and attracted so much flak from sleepinjohnnyfish (or whatever the name was)…. it was quite humorous, to think about it. I was an annoying, straightedge pedantic little kid.

But then I turned 18 and I found the real world and… well, now you have what is before you. An addict. A musician. A programmer. A Human.

i can't tell you how much i enjoy doing dxm,or really any drug that i can get my hands on. i'm not going to suggest that anyone ever try what i do… but it's almost as if they don't understand. 'oh oz, you're addicted to dxm'. bullshit. you know what i'm addicted to?? the feeling of being altered. the feeling of being not here.

yeah they don't exactly have a twelve step for that now do they