Yes, I survived the cleanse. I'm not doing that thing anytime soon. Here's a pop-like song from an ex-Beatle with very easy-to-relate lyrics:
I've entered a phase in my life where I am in limbo. I don't mean that in the sense that I'm waiting to go to heaven or hell, but I mean it in the sense that I've fallen into routine.. or to better say it, lack of routine. I plan out a schedule for the day… breakfast, shower, go to school, go to class, come home, eat, play, go to work, come back, browse reddit, talk to roommate, sleep. Then I don't keep my plans. Sometimes I do, but when I'm deeply behind or can't sleep, I don't.Do you ever feel like you're trying to take the world on your shoulders by yourself?I do.See, for one example, I have my video game, Cursed Black, that I want to finish. I've been making this game by myself since 2011, and now that it's 2014, I still am not even close to a demo because there are so many sprites to add, so many rooms to design, so much coding to write, that one man CAN do it alone. This game is HUGE – think of the Original Pokemon Red, and translating everything into Game Maker format. I'm doing that, and that requires so much time to gather up all the resources and make sure they work right. There are a good 150 Pokemon sprites to go through there's about dozens and dozens of maps, almost hundreds of tiles, dozens of NPC's, and code that hits the 30K lines. It needs to be a man with a LOT of time and patience. There's another example, my Organic Chemistry. My other classes are a joke right now, but I take Organic Chemistry seriously and try to focus on it BECAUSE I do so bad at it. I KNOW that if I asked my fellow students questions about what confuses me I would be more up to speed, but I don't do it out of fear of looking completely retarded. I mean, I got a B- on my first part of OCHEM, I should be smart and knowing this shit out myself! But I don't, and I spend time in the 2AMs to learn this through online videos and doing extra homework to get practice.The silly part is, I KNOW that if I had help from others, this crap would be a piece of cake… but I just don't want to take it. My pride gets in the way. I USED to say I could do everything myself, and even though I recognize that a lot of my problems would be solved easily if I allowed others to help, I don't want to. My pride would take a hit… it's weak, it's my friend, having it crumble would feel painful.So I stay in a state of limbo, where my goals are with me and me only. It's silly, because I do other things like play guitar with my roommate and eat healthy with my girlfriend, but anything that matters to ME I stick with by myself. I don't trust anyone with where I'm going but me. I know this is an emo blog, but I'm going to post it anyway.…So then, what are my plans of fixing this… um, I'm going to do my homework on time before my take home quizzes. See, I'm bummed out about OCHEM lately because the last two quizzes I got a 3/10 (same score) while I hear everyone else did pretty good with theirs because it was "easy." This is almost a mirror of my first OCHEM class where I failed my first two exams (66 and 68) yet I passed the class with a B- BECAUSE I studied my ass off and did really well for the rest of the class. I'm not really worried, I don't think I'll do horrible in this second part of OCHEM, but I definitely should not go into old habits and start falling behind on the homework.I have a lot of distractions, like Reddit, Pokemon Y, Netflix, MA, 64D, Earthbound, Ocarina of Time, playing guitar, taking unnecessary naps.. and it's hard to cut out ALL of them. I've also become a BIG hermit since I have a GF and now I don't see the need to be friends with people around here that I don't even like anyway (talking about my school/work). So without the local social group of friends, I get sad and use one of these distractions as outlets for frustration of feeling alone. The homework isn't taking as long as I thought it would… so since I see that it's not eating my time up to do the homework for OCHEM then I see that I'm more motivated to do it. In news that are probably obvious, besides the last update I did to my site, I haven't really been working on Cursed Black a lot. Here's a current screenshot:
Good to see progress on Cursed Black!
Most blogs on 64D and pretty emo, so it's nothing really new.I have a huge problem with studying then I care to admit, it gets out of hand (as I cant stare at a fucking textbook and just read)