i haven't been doing much for the past few days. i've had homework assignments to do but I'm just going to do them today after work. this is me 2 minutes before having to head out to work, which is only going to be 5 hours. yawn.

i keep thinking about what nostalgia is, and i've heard one of my friends say that "nostalgia is a sign for bad relationships," and i've always agreed. i used to come here to read my old blogs and feel better about the past. i would think while reading about the past that the present sucked. i was lonely and looking back at my old blogs with the comments that happened cured my loneliness because i would remember someone here would give a shit about me, whether it be hel or Acid or even far back to 2007 with mageknight or polystyrene man. it was nice to know they cared.

now, i don't look back at those blogs, because dwelling in the past never did me anything. now i just long for making the future i want possible. what i want is for me to just finished cursed black already, get out of school, and get a job as a radiologist. i've been in school ever since i was a kid… and most of the rest of my family has been living without school, only me and a few others are still in it. i'm STILL not done. i want to finish and get the hell out – it's so pointless for me.

right now, i'm running into problems at work and with my ex owl. nostalgia's nice to get my mind off of things, but like i said, it doesn't do anything.

this song is just a reminder of when i was super-amazing at organic chemistry because of how hard i studied for that subject. i got a's in exams and quizzes, even though it was one of the toughest courses i had taken. my weakness is looking at things in isolation: i did OK in the other classes. but i don't care about them because i'm amazed at doing GREAT in ochem. i SHOULD be focusing on everything else.

like my life. i shouldn't just focus on my best friend and the next girl i get with. i should be focusing on my complete environment. you guys, people at school and at work. i don't do that.