I want to have a family
I want to be disciplinedI want to eat healthyI want to have moneyI want to be efficient at my jobI want people to want to talk to meI want my work to be so outstanding… some, not all people stop to appreciate itI want my home to be clean and orderlyI want to be loyal to my friends and loved ones by telling them the truth, even if they don't want to hear itI want to be loyal to my girlfriend regardless of any perverse thoughts I may come acrossI want to resolve conflicts on the spot, even if they suck, so they're not swept under the rug.I want to be able to talk to someone about a hard subject without having to be interrupted by their life story. I want to finish my video game.I want my video game to be recognized for the hard work I put in it.I want to go back to school to get better grades.I want to be accepted to the nuclear imaging program at UNM.I want to be accepted to the PA program at UNM.I want to do both of those without being stuck in huge debt.I want to be able to plan out a wedding/first kid without the debt being an issue.I want to be a good car owner so my car doesn't fuck me in the middle of fuckwhere.I want to pick up guitar again.I want to be able to cover my favorite Neutral Milk Hotel songs and Beatles songs.I also want to be able to play some Jack and Eliza songs too. Fuuuu. Definitely get some Black Keys in there.I want to be able to start a band if I so chose.I want to play in front of an audience one day.I want to dedicate "Do you want to hear a secret" to my girlfriend by playing it for her on guitar and singing it.I want to encourage my girlfriend to finish her book. Her plans sound amazing.I want to be a fucking excellent boyfriend while not getting fucked over for doing it.I want to have loyal loved ones. I want to re-connect with my family at some point. I hate that i hate them.I want to make friends when I go back to college. I hate how awkward NMSU was because I didn't try.I want to be able to work as an EMT by January if possible.I want to constantly be reading a book so I get through my self-imposed library I built up.I want to have a healthy body by working out constantly.I want to be a good father so I will read the bible to see what the fuzz is about.I want to be a good family head by not being a gullible bitch and not backing down from what I believe in just because i'm scared.I want to be praised for being such a great person….…But i'm not a great person. Nor do I have very realistic ways of achieving even half of that list. This is stretching myself too thin… even an idiot can tell that. So why can't I?Because I can't respect myself if I don't try at these things. And goddamn am I going to try and get it right, if it kills me.