GTAIVROX = …well, doesn't take a genius

It is a huge great heap of awesome. It's also a huge leap from the old GTAs, correcting their large list of minor flaws.

No more nasty popup! If there's a fence there, you'll see it from distance.

People now have ragdoll physics (and pretty good ragdoll physics at that). You get into a car and hit someone, they won't just kersplat on the floor. They'll roll over your bonnet, crack your windscreen (all the time leaving large blood skidmarks over the car) and fly over the top of it. In a similar fashion, if you get a car and drive fast enough into a wall, Niko Bellic (your character) will go through the windscreen and, provided the wall isn't too high, fly off into the distance, taking considerable damage with every heartfelt bounce off the floor.

Fun with physics doesn't stop there. If you participate in carjacking, wait for the irate driver to get up and grab the door (ready to open it), then put your foot down, the car owner will remain holding the door handle as he is painfully dragged along the ground. Do a nice handbrake-powered turn to swing the car's arse around and run his feet over.

One more piece of physics I couldn't help but appreciate was related to Niko's athletic skill. I walked to some random sailor and hit him hard in the face. I then ran, with him on my tail (you can no longer outrun someone purely by running - they go your speed), up and onto a docked boat. I then jumped off the edge of the boat and landed with a stylish roll on the floor. This other person attempted the same thing, but managed to misangle himself, landing on his head with a crack. Ouch.

Of course, if GTAIV only had that to its name, it would hardly be deserving of its Metacritic average score of 100% [PS3 version only - the 360 version is at 99%]. There's tons of neat touches that make it spectacularly fun to play.

I think that one of my personal favourites would be drink-driving. I push up on the D-pad to bring up my mobile phone (at this point I could prank-call the police, ambulance or fire brigade by tapping in 911). I navigate to the phone book and call cousin Roman. We arrange to go for a nice drink. I collect him, we go to the pub. Before we enter the pub Roman mentions how he hopes Vlad isn't in, as he owes him a debt.

After a fadeout, Niko and Roman emerge. Roman's been a bit beaten up, and is shouting such lines as "That Vlad… what a fucking asshole". More importantly though, both of them are completely pissed. We get into the car and I attempt to drive home.

If you've ever played through Vice City you might remember a mission (I think it's called Boomshine Saigon) in which you get high then drive. It's a similar experience. Niko's all over the road, the camera is blurry and swinging around wildly. As I'm about to drop Roman off, I mis-time it, take a hard right and drive into a bus stop. Niiice.

Of course, there's always such amusements as grabbing a shotgun and blindfiring a cop's face off, using the new "execution kill" to hold a pistol to a man's forehead and pull the trigger (gore alert - blood WILL coat the camera), watch Niko's face as he tries to understand a Jamaican's incessant rambling, find a group of people from a certain religion (will withhold WHAT religion) and drive them into a wall… there's tons. If you have a PS3 or an Xbox 360 and you don't have GTAIV, buy it. If you don't have a PS3 or Xbox 360, buy one, then buy GTAIV.

And if you're under 18, tell your mum it's not what the tabloids make it seem.