I don't know what it is, but if I just stop, and let my body relax and not do anything, I start to shake and a hysteria of tears flow freely down my face.

My heart beats hard, and my chest, neck, and cheeks feel warm and get red, as if I'm embarrassed or infuriated. My back feels hot, but my feet and hands shake, and my jaw chatters as if I'm freezing to death.

Eventually if I stay motionless long enough, sweeps of nausea rush over and I feel it coming up.

I know what this is, and I've been fighting it for a long time. Fuck anxiety.

Last week I saw someone I know at my work (not your first guess), I felt so nervous, I had to hide from them and I nearly threw up and fainted.

The thought and sight of them make me sick. It makes me feel like this.

They repulse me to the point that I feel like my life is draining out of body. I'd rather die than have any contact with them. Ever.

And I think that's what my body is trying to do.

I feel like I'm dying.