How many times can a heart break before we can say there is nothing of it left?

It’s not supposed to be a riddle, but should bend your thoughts like one. About a month ago, I took about 30 ibuprofen tablets over the course of 8 hours. I assume if I took them all at once I could have died, but giving my body time to digest it all may have saved me from an accidental suicide. While I did take them all purposely, I took them to help me sleep. I know how stupid that sounds, but it’s true. I’m not brave/stupid enough to actually go through with killing myself, but my heart was in shambles and my mind was hysterical when I started taking handfuls of the stuff to numb myself, to calm myself so I could stop crying and finally fall asleep. Jeez, I cry a lot.

Anyways, since then, I’ve been noticing that my heart palpitations are more… noticeable? The simple task of putting a shirt on makes my heart beat really hard and strong, like my heart is all, “Oh shit, she’s moving! Gotta pump some blood!!â€? The stronger heart palpitations aren’t noticeable when I’m walking but I feel it more when I raise my arms to reach things [inb4 short jokes].

My lungs are also possibly deteriorating. When I was 12 I had contracted pneumonia in my left lung, which, after I healed, made it difficult to fill my left lung with air. I could inhale deeply but my right lung would feel like it was bursting before my left lung felt full. Now, I wheeze when trying to breath. Both my lungs ache before I feel like I’ve taken a deep enough breath of air. When I laugh, I start coughing almost immediately, and the gross part is I now cough as if I’m a 70 year old woman who has been smoking her entire life.

I was never a great singer, but I could sing. My gift in singing was that I could sustain a proper note for an extended amount of time, even after the pneumonia. Now, not so much. So much for learning opera. At least my speaking voice hasn’t been harmed. I still speak and sound ridiculous =P

This blog was actually intended to be more about WHY I took so many pills and why I was crying, not WHAT it had done to me. But then I realized who I was letting read this and I kinda felt better.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!