POLISH DIVORCE

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until

one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances,

and asked him the following questions:

"Have you any grounds"?

"Yes, an acre and half and nice little home".

"No, I meant what is the foundation of this case"?

It's made of concrete "I don't think you understand. Does either of you

have a real grudge"?

"No, we have carport, and not need one".

I mean, what are your relations like?

"All my relations still in Poland".

"Is there any infidelity in your marriage"?

"We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player".

"Does your wife beat you up"?

"No, I always up before her".

"Is your wife a nagger"?

"No, she white".

"Why do you want this divorce"?

"She going to kill me".

"What makes you think that"?

"I got proof".

"What kind of proof"?

"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in

bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"

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SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE

With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired trips to where? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

Ralph: "I'm going to go get her."

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LITTLE JOHNNY IS AT IT AGAIN

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"