Umbra, you get your fucking eyes off this page
Oh, my! Is it Taizen's turn to angst here?POP QUIZ, PEOPLEWhat happens if• Your father is a relentlessly controlling, but well-meaning man with little to no indication as to whether or not he is raising his children correctly as per their thoughts, values, and personalities• Your mother is egocentric, horribly tempered, as controlling as your father is, adamantly believes that she can know more about people than they know about themselves, and quite obviously loves and is more tolerant of the children she had with her ex-husband• One of your only drives in life is happiness, brought on by human interaction, the persuit of hobbies, or the solitude from indulging oneself in video games and television• You have been holding up a metaphorical dam to block a deluge of repressed feelings and negative thoughts stemming from a fractured psyche that you have been futilely trying to repair for 8 yearsDo we have an answer?Oh, wait, let's add one.• Your father, whom you had been working for far too long to impress by any means possible, snaps his fuckin' mind and goes berserk because you didn't listen to what he said to do today, leading to being grounded to your room getting everything excised from said room reassuring statements that "I have no qualms with you moving out right now if that is what you want if you can't fucking listen to me" being prevented from doing things that are logically out of his jurisdiction (I.e. you can't use this laptop that belongs to someone else) threats to erase all of your personal projects (Lunacy Star, Chaos Weapon, ~10 MBs of midis, Game Maker and FL Studio as programs in and of themselves) from seizure of -your- property threats to send you to a military school, despite the fact that it would send him back 12,000 dollars he doesn't have trying to pin some sort of emotional blame by claiming that you are thiiiiis close to causing him a stroke (Might I point out here that I am increasingly tolerant of this happening) a constant reminder that in the incredibly long string of failures that existed in his life, that all of the time and effort he invested into you was no more than a waste and another failure to add to aforementioned stringThat wraps up the list!I'm not sure what they expect me to do.But I know what I expect me to do.I'm going to go and talk to my counselor at school tomorrow morning to discuss my options for legal emancipation.You know, if I'm even eligible, being 15.I'm such a colossal burden on their life, so I'm going to leave.Almost every other effort I've made in their direction thus far in the past 10 years have been to make them happy, so I really do not see a reason why not.You see, this way, I'm not running away.I'm letting them sign my leave.Everybody wins!I don't quite understand the middleman here, though.I've no chance of survival out there.I don't have any money. How much good will 80 dollars do you in this day and age?No car.But suicide? Is there a point to it?Must I revisit this question of "will I or won't I?" again?I thought I dropped this two years ago.It isn't acceptable, anyway. It's a form of running away.So after I'm emancipated, I starve in three days. Brilliant.I'm having trouble discerning which is the more dishonorable route.Another thing I can't stop doing regarding my feelings about this whole rigmarole is the scenarios.Jesus Christ, this needs to stop.Tear-Jerkery goodbye scenes ripped straight from your most hated of teenage dramas.Scenario 1> I'm filing for emancipation.> What?> My love, you may not know all the big words I use, but I've loved you all the same.*half-hearted kiss*> I want you to figure out what it means for yourself, later. At least by the time you do, it'll be too late really for you to stop me. It'll just be more false hope.*Turns around, and somberly walks away, pauses, looks over shoulder, continues*> What… No! Please! Don't leave…!* Dramatic wind kicks up *Scenario 2> Dude, did you hear… He's… he's dead.> What? Uh-uh, no way, really? Wait, how?> He stabbed himself in the chest with a kitchen knife. And he lied there for about five hours because his parents were late to close the restaurant.> Oh, how is the restaurant doing?> It's a failure. It'll be shut down eventually.> Aww. Hey, let's go and get something to eat.Scenario 3*Taizen is lying in a playground tube at the local park, trying to sleep, but it's too cold*Scenario 4*Parents check the mail, and receive a recommendation letter for a college* (I just took the ACT, you see)*They toss it into a small pile in his room, and then shut the door.*See? What the hell?Will someone please tell me that the theoretical haunts them, too, when faced with the bullshit life presents every so often?What is that supposed to be, my subconscious telling me that there is going to be UNPARALLELLED UNPLEASANTNESS in leaving my at-the-moment godawful parents?Ugh, I've had enough of this rant.Props to your patience if you read half of that.
A grip on all your work? Gnarly.
I would agree with trying to get the fuck out of there as fast as possible. There are usually support groups for homeless teenagers and temporary shelters designed to deal with this precise issue. If the town you are in doesn't have one, $80 is enough to buy a train ticket to a place that does. College recommendation letters are usually spammed to test takers without regard to how good your fit to the college is. Find an alternative place to live, make sure you are well on your way to finishing high school, then find a bunch of colleges and apply to them with your new address, and try to find a government loan or scholarship to help pay for it. There should be plenty of resources available for you, including people willing to help, if you look hard enough.
Everyone imagines all the worst possible scenarios. Life usually invents its own. Remember that unpleasantness when you are in control of your life is usually preferable to overcontrolling, batshit insane terrible parents (at least from what I can see here).Thank you for the advice. That's really the best thing I could have hoped for today ;-;
In spite of my fears, I just can't imagine what would happen as a result of me throwing my life away because my parents suck, though…I would need a job… but my birthday is next month…There is a program around here offering apartments and financial assistance for independent high-schoolers…. I… didn't think I would ever have to look into it, but…I was about to comment "tl;dr" but then I realized how amazingly bored I was, so I read the whole thing.
What country do you live in?In relation to what Cyrus said, get Dropbox and put your valuable stuff in the cloud where no one can destroy it. Since your still 15, I would agree that you want to tread carefully right now, but I also want to say that, in my opinion, your parents are acting abysmal and destroying your life. It's not so much throwing your life away as getting it back. If your birthday is in a month and your turning 16, then you want to get a job permit as soon as possible after becoming independent and immediately take full advantage of the program for independent high schoolers. That program was designed to help teenagers in situations like your in right now. At the very least, go in and talk to someone in the program, because they have lots of experience and will be able to give much better advice. Remember, it can't hurt to ask.
Fuck what my last comment said. Go with blackhole's plan. It's beautiful.
Definitely get Dropbox and put your projects in it. I don't think they stay forever if deleted but there is a 30-day wait on anything deleted in it before it is permanently erased and you can view/restore/access them from any computer with internet access without installing it.
It's obvious that what you didn't listen to is not the main problem. So don't beat yourself up over what's getting projected and dumped by your parents. I can't give you much advice; I don't know much about the situation and even if I did who am I to tell you what to do. But assuming that your parents do own a restaurant, I know that it's one of the most difficult businesses to actually turn a profit in. And from the military school threat I can also gather that they're under financial stress. So I think that whether or not you leave it will be a good thing to get a job when you turn 16. It will ease at least some of the sour emotional burden- and it'll probably be a character-building experience. And like blackhole said, talk to someone in the program for independent highschoolers and learn more about it.When I was in middle school some 7 years ago I ended up living in my dad and step-mom's 'dream house' half-time. Most of the time there though, I was confined to an upstairs room along with my brother, it had a treadmill, exercise ball, some blankets, 2 pillows, a bookshelf, a tv, an xbox, and paper. Oh, and two reject-cats and it was infested with fleas - which my step-mom always denied even though I caught some and showed them the fleas.. They're apparently impossible to kill with blunt force, which further frustrated me. Oh and that was our bedroom. Yeah, no lie, we had no rooms or beds to ourselves even though we were there half-time. It was like some kind of disgusting prison and I'm glad it only lasted that way for a year or two. We were a family trying to work but with so much pent up stuff that the kids were swept out of sight and neglected. Now that scene is so far away I can hardly believe it happened to me. So on the bright side, you don't have fleas :) And this situation with your parents abusing their status over you is temporary.Oh, and I didn't know you're Amp on TIGSource forums until now.I think I will use the program as a learning experience when I turn 17, and am a senior.
At that point, I will have a car, my license, and at least several thousand in savings.I can live without everything for a year. Maybe >_>This does seriously set back all of my projects, though. Lunacy Star was supposed to be finished in time for my 16th birthday, and Chaos Weapon by graduation.I have my projects with me, taking them was only a threat.("I will take your flash drive and wipe it clean if need be." "Why would you do that?" "Why? With you lying to me about your homework, why would I not do that?") (Uh, I don't know, the time and effort I invested into them being wasted, for one)How does Dropbox work? Will I have the space to store the whole of this drive?@Zac Your analytic skills are interesting.Well, yeah. The unclean room was a last straw after missing assignments, we own a pizzeria, and they (They'll hate me for divulging this) lost supposedly well over a million in savings with all of their attempts.Oh, and the Hokkaido deal was to keep up with the backstory of daring adventurer thief Taizen Chisou, whom the game is with was really supposed to be far along enough to show all y'all at this point.Actually, I think it's almost entirely under wraps, except for the old old version that was posted. I think if you look hard enough you can find it.I happen to live in Most Boring United State Oklahoma.Let me know how it works out, I've considered leaving out of boredom as recently as five minutes ago. I always convince myself to get a driver's license, job, and car first. Still haven't got around to any of that.
^This.