I wasn't having the best day today.

I dunno, it might have been the startling awareness of a lack of any really good friends, or maybe the idea that everyone seems really distant and depressed.

In any case, I'm over that now.

Slightly.

Perhaps it's a weirdness that follows your mother being intolerant of your thoughts/ideals/beliefs, or maybe your father being just so far out there that he probably doesn't feel like your father anymore.

I mean, he's there. But what does he do?

Other than yell at you and shake his head every other day about you.

My friends have all been feeling pretty distant for a while, with all the thanks to the school's simply amazing new way of grouping together the lunch periods. Get this- instead of by grade, it's by where your next class is at. Brilliant.

As a result, a lot of the people you know are probably not going to be in the hour that you have lunch and you're also dining alongside people who think that they usually sit wherever you usually sit and it becomes a big mess of isolation and boredom and moving around the cafeteria.

I went to go and talk to one of my teachers, who I had for an English class in freshman year, two years ago.

She was talking about how everything will get better and how everything between now and when it does is more than likely to tremendously suck.

And well, I can believe that. The situation could totally get better and it looks for now as if it isn't going to do anything but tremendously suck, but I just wish that it were a bit easier.

I try. Maybe not as hard as I could, given I'm not made of magic, but I still here. It's kind of sad that I have to try to do very much at all these days, but I do.

Just yesterday me and my dad got in an argument that left me so angry as to not care about anything that I do.

Which is pretty scary. I don't think I've ever not cared about drawing or composing or programming- they pretty much make up my life.

Which is being totally serious, by the way. I don't have anyone really to fill the role of "best friend" anywhere and the best I can do is a loose cluster of "regular friends" who all are currently experiencing problems of their own and couldn't be bothered to deal with much else.

I do appreciate that one of them asked me what was wrong. I was genuinely trying to look as if nothing was wrong.

It's just…

I don't know.

I've never been beset with as much uncertainty in regards to my home life, or friends, or school, or anything, and it scares me.

I honestly don't know if everything is going to magically fix itself anytime soon.

Even if I highly doubt it.

Sorry for the rant, I suppose. I figure no proper self-healing would happen if I didn't attention whore on the side :V