I swear to God, if I receive another chain e-mail, I'm gonna burn down the fuckin' White House. I get at least one a day, and they're all FUCKING STUPID. Stupid shit like, "If you don't send this to 10 people in a half hour, you won't get married until you're 45."

Well guess what? That's probably going to happen anyway. Some stupid-ass chain letter isn't gonna change that.

So I decided - I'm going to make my own chain e-mail, and send it to random people. It's going to have a completely, astronomically improbable story behind it, and ridiculously harsh consequences for those who fail to resend it. Here's how it goes:

---

<table border = 3><tr><td>

Lisa Holling was an average, 17-year-old girl who lived in Delaware. She went to high-school, got high marks, and had lots of friends. She also had a crush on Marcus Livingsworth, captain of the football team and also quite the student.

One day, Lisa came home and checked her email. She found one from an address she didn't recognize. She read it anyway. It was a kind of internet survey, and it said at the bottom of the letter that if she didn't fill it out and send it back, she's have bad luck for a week. She ignored it, not being the superstitious type, and deleted it.

The next day at school, she was looking for Marcus in the hallway. Today was the day she had mustered up enough courage to confess her undying love for him. When she couldn't find him, her friends told her that he had moved out of the state to a private school, and would most probably never come back. She was crushed, and began crying on the spot.

A few hours later, on her way to lunch, she tripped over her own foot and fell down the stairs, twisting her ankle. Now she couldn't try out for cheerleader, which she planned to do after school that day.

When she finally got home, she discovered her beloved dog Mr. Snuggles was dead. It was the worst day of her life.

The next day, Lisa didn't show up for school. The weeks rolled by, then the months, and still no sign of Ms. Holling. She was never seen again by her family or friends.

****

THIS STORY IS 100% TRUE! IF YOU DON'T SEND THIS TO 1,264 PEOPLE IN THE NEXT 13 MINUTES, LISA WILL SHOW UP BY YOUR BED TONIGHT AND PUNCH YOU IN THE BALLS!

</td></tr></table>

---

…And that's it. In closing,

I HATE CHAIN LETTERS