<i><b>Captain's log: 4.29.07

Just over seven earth hours until my seventeenth birthday.

I feel… confined here, at this place I call 'home.' I'm beginning to realize more and more that I've lost touch with reality. I'm no longer the man I once was. No, I am now an emotional shell of my former sane self.

It seems I no longer possess the mental resources necessary to experience remorse. Hell, I don't even remember what guilt feels like anymore. I can feel my sanity slowly creeping away from me.

All I've got…

All I've got is insane…

//

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Don't ask ^

Well, as the captain said, we're closing in on my birthday. I didn't do anything special today, not surprisingly, but I did go outside and screw around with my Bo staff a little bit.

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If you've been reading my last few blogs, you know about the girl that wanted to go to the prom with me. Well, some weird things are happening with me. For example, I had an odd dream last night, and she was in it:

It was weird - pretty much everyone in my school was at this carnival thing at some beach that looked oddly familiar, even though there was nothing specific I recognized about it. Her and I as well as some friends were grouped up, hitting the games as we strolled down the dockside. Then somehow, the group narrowed down to just me, her, and another friend, who oddly enough, was talking to her about relationships while I was playing games(I love how ironic my dreams are).

Well, we get to this one game that's kinda like those stupid 'coin-pushers' - the games where you drop various coins into these slots, which the fall onto a platform where this flat wall thing moves back and forth and the object is to have the wall thing push the coins off the platform. I don't know how else to describe them, sorry.

So I'm playing this thing, and for some odd reason, there's this diamond necklace with a sapphire heart in the middle onto top of the pile of coins. So I reach into my pockets and, thanks to the awesomeness of dreams, find I have like 5 billion random coins in each. So I start plugging away with everything I've got, trying to get this damn necklace. No luck. I finally get frustrated and slam my shoulder into the side of the machine, jarring the necklace loose and sending it into the prize slot. I eagerly scoop it up, but it gets snatched form me by one of the carnival workers who saw me cheat. I push him against a wall, grab the necklace and take off running.

So there I am, running like hell and slamming into people, hurdling over concession stands and the like trying to get away from this guy. After like 5 'dream-minutes' of running, it appears I've lost him. I head back to my friend, who seems a bit set off by what just happened, but I apologize and show her the necklace. Her face lights up and I give it to her.

Next thing I know, I'm standing on the other side of the dock with a different friend of mine whom I walk home with. I wake up shortly after meeting him.

I don't know what to make of it, you tell me.