He looks down upon us, God is filled with shame,
Knowing that his creation is truly lame,Made to corrupt, destroy, and kill,Makes us really wonder if we're run-of-the-mill,World peace, why bother?Human nature, Absolute,Our beliefs and goals, Resolute,With death at our side, the true father,We seek to love, to live, to thrive,And yet we only bring ourselves closer to The End,A painful and terribly long drive,Of course, we can make it quick and give our life to others, and lend,What gives us hope, dreams, and happiness,Deludes us from the real deal,Drugs, alcohol, drown it all out, use it less,See the real sight, look at what's real,Lest you become one giant mess,This is our reality, our Deal.This world was made only to last so long, and even shorter still with our existance. But we persevere through the hardships, from enemies, and even from our closest friends. The human mind, truly is a marvel, in its own special and self-destructive way. And we live on, to keep it going.Happiness is a true blessing in life, attained by those who truly aim for it. Be it money, love, friends, etc., do what you can to achieve those ends, and live on.Live on, live on, live on.Live it up, 'till it's gone.We're eternally blinded from what we truly want.We comb through the darkness, however, filled with strife.Love lasts only so long, and you know it ends in sorrow… yet we still love, and its sorrow, we all taunt.In the end, we all find death… and in death, renewed, is life…No, I'm not emo. >:( This was made after eating some pure caramel taffy, mixed in with some trance and ambient music around midnight. Comments appreciated.~Vanhelsing~EDIT : MAKE ME, BITCH.
It's decent. Many of the lines don't read naturally, or are cryptic in a not-so-good way:
It could do with a more consistent rhyming scheme (unless these are separate poems, I can't tell :V)
As well, it seems that the 'matching' lines don't have exactly the same amount of syllables, which is what makes some hard to read naturally.Yup, plus it was my first shot at it, soooo yeah, lol. g2g to schoolhouse now, I'll be back later.
the first part is better then the end.
it doesn't read easy because there is no rythm within the lines. it reads much better if every line has more or less the same amount of syllables."No, I'm not emo."
"And yet we only bring ourselves closer to The End,"EEEEMO!GO CRY EMO HAIR!
Wait, I'm supposed to be all happy and nice this week.Er, hugs?T_T Have you ever heard of contemplating the reality of things? Yeah, that's not emo.
ANYWAYS,@DistortionThis is my first attempt at it, anyways, sooo yeah. I look at it now and see how… uneven it is. But, first attempts were never perfect.The hugs are non-redeemable, but when the week is over you have to give them back.