I'm talking about Nintendo's recent line up of old games being labeled new and released at $50. These games include:

- Donkey Kong Country Returns

- New Super Mario Bros.

hell almost ALL Nintendo games are basically remakes of their previous games. There are few exceptions. Here's what i consider a remake:

- Mario Party (just because you got "new" mini-games doesn't make it a new game for the ninth time…)

- Mario-(sport game) [is anybody keeping track of how many of these damn things there are? isn't Mario Party enough?]

- Mario Kart (simply updated graphics… barely)

I'll let SSBB slide on this one since it actually added new features and some sort of campaign which was neat. I also let Zelda slide because many of their games feature new design choices which can help make it feel fresh again. (but not completely, Link turning into a wolf? doesn't make TP feel any different from OoT)

The only Mario game recently that didn't feel like a remake was Galaxy. A completely new concept at the time and it felt different.. at first. After a while i did start to notice design in the levels that looked a lot like Mario64.

New Super Mario Bros Wii

Now what's my problem with all these remakes? They're fucking BORING. i hate this shit. I have both New SMB and DKC:R and they FEEL and PLAY like the original games they're based off of. In fact i'd say it is nothing more than a graphical update. They added one feature - multiplayer - and it blows. Me and my gf played through these games on 2 Player and it's a mess. In NSMB you constantly bump against each other and it can kill you many times. Also accidentally hitting the A button which puts you in a bubble can ALSO kill you if the other player isn't near you or is already out of lives. It's fucking right next to the d-pad, you're holding RIGHT most the game, there is like 2 cm between RIGHT and A, it happens way to often! But even if your playing single player, you'll play through levels that look and feel exactly like SMW on the SNES. The themes are all the same too, they couldn't even be bothered to take us to new places or fight new enemies, it's all the same OLD shit you've seen before. This disappointed me so bad.

Now i'm not exactly bashing the game's quality, i'm bashing it's lack of variety and it's old-ass presentation. I LOVE Super Mario World, one of my favorite games of all time but hell, it's not the 90's anymore, this shit won't work for today's gamers. If they're trying to make this out to be a casual game - it is not. it is far to frustrating to be casual, i could see the average person beating half the levels of world one before quitting. They aren't going to make it much farther. I made it to the last world and keep dying at one of the castles. This is old school shit, with LIVES and saving-only-after-defeating-a-boss. It's the SAME game so don't call it NEW!

Now if you're an obsessed Nintendo fan who is looking for an expansion for Super Mario World, you might enjoy this game. If you're looking for anything NEW from Nintendo, well stay the fuck away from these games.

Donkey Kong Country Returns:

DKC:R had pretty much the same problems. almost all the music is from the first DKC, just remixed basically. Even most the themes are from DKC. They actually took out features from the previous games, such as grabbing your partner and throwing them to reach high places. The only new feature is the multiplayer which is better than NSMB but still not that great. for one thing, many of the levels are almost 1-player only. Such as the cart levels and areas with lots of barrels. 2 players can't really work together on these parts. (also cart levels suck in this game, there is no variable jumping making them really really stupid and difficult) However the worst part is you share lives and if you both die, say fall into a hole, it will cost you 2 lives. You're pretty much out of lives non-stop in this game. Luckily saving is better here, it automatically saves after playing a level so there is almost NO penalty for running out of lives except for losing your checkpoint in a level.

The difficulty gets up pretty high later on in this game so again, i don't see it being all that casual. this is classic Japanese gaming. Unless casual Japanese families are fucking born with a controller in their hand i don't see how grandpa is gonna beat this one.

3DS:

Now i got those reviews out of the way, let's talk about all the bullshit ports on the 3DS. here's a bunch of fresh Nintendo shit for you to play (again, you know in case you didn't already play them with in the last 15 years)

- Star Fox 3D

- Ocarina of Time 3D (again!)

- NSMB2 (that's right, a 2nd one!)

- Mario Kart 7 (so NOW they're numbering them?)

- Mario & Sonic sucking dick Olympics (…)

I guess if you threw out all of your previous DS cards you would need to restock on these Nintendo-rereleases, since most of these have a very similar or identical game on the regular DS.

Final Statement:

it seems Nintendo has no plans for creating a new game at all, or a new franchise. I actually think that would be pretty damn cool if they did but they can't let go of Mario the same way SEGA can't let go of the hedgehog. For most games i don't mind remakes or collections. Hell i thought Mega Man 9 was fucking awesome! But only because it was a rare retro throw back that we don't usually get and because Mega Man is gone.

What really irritates me about Nintendo is that they don't do a throw back once every 10 years, their entire catalog is all throw-backs, remakes, re-releases and shit-you've-already-played. (and they have a HUGE catalog with "new" games releasing every month) It literally seems like they don't even try to make a new or exciting experience. To someone who has already played all their original games i know what to expect, this leaves the experience boring and frustrating.

Why can't they grow some balls and create a new generation of gaming? A new icon for their console. Why buy a new console to play old games? Every time they got a new console out they fill it with old games. It's like they're pedaling backwards.

Okay i'll give em some credit. The new Kid Icarus was nothing like the old ones… but in this case, i kinda wish it was. That game… i don't even know what to say about it. You'll have to see for yourself. I'm confused looking at it, hurts my brain and the controls are awkward as hell.

Comments?

What do you think about Nintendo in general?

Do you like recent Nintendo titles?

How do you feel about remakes/re-releases?