I was born a tender, loving babe to a lovely couple, <i>while they were skydiving</i>. As they were not ready for a child yet, and they were about to depart on a trip to the rim of an active volcano, I was given to a pack of wild snakes to raise me.

At seven, I killed my first wildebeest.

Upon reaching the age of thirteen I left my snake family and moved to New York, where I fought crime under a banner of harsh justice and cruel, unforgiving awesomeness. I was called Trachea-man, and I'm not sure why. It might have something to do with my penchant for destroying my victims by ripping out their tracheae.

With my teeth.

Eventually I began making games and applications and frequenting the website 64digits.com. As I grew to learn how to use my fingers to type, and to use silverware to eat, I also began to develop a mind of unparalleled mental acuity. My piercing thoughts discerned everything, and no mental barriers stood in my path.

With such an overlarge brain I easily ascended the ranks in high school, until it became not only custom but mandatory for teachers and students to kneel and bow their heads upon my entrance to a room.

Of course, with such raw genius, I easily entered college.

After a few weeks at college I brought all of my mental strength to bear when my math class was presented with its first exam. After wringing every last connection from every synapse, I quietly turned in my paper and left the room, as raw electricity crackled about my brain, and a choir of angels sang to announce my leave-taking.

MORAL: I owned fsx today.