I'm letting out a few giggles and chuckles as I write this. Never thought I'd write one, but ah well.

It's hilarious. Wars, hunger, death, disease, all these huge problems, then here I fucking am, some random, insignificant teen, disregarding all these issues, just to post here, a rant of a blog, about my, unimportant, completely ignorant issues. But whatfucking ever, here I go. (Not challenging anyone to a "who can write fuck the most times in a single blog" contest, but what happens happens.)

My problems are nothing, they're absolutely nothing to any of you, so please, only read this if you're looking for a hilarious mindfuck of sorts.

Here goes.

So, my girlfriend. I love her lots (though who knows, I'm a junior, I don't truely know love, do I. I at least feel like I love her lots), and (with the same note as before) she loves me back. Now, I'm an antisocial nerd. Two friends. Two. With that background, I never expected anyone to love me, ever, especially not her. Now, everything worked out amazingly for about the first two or three months, then something happened, something changed. Now, while I do still love her and feel that she loves me too, I get a lot of depreciative comments from her. No matter what I fucking do, I'm an asshole, I'm completely 100% stupid. I do everything wrong it seems. Not a single thing right. Now, she wouldn't exactly agree with me saying that, but…

1. She sure as hell seems to think that.

2. She definitely agrees with it that at least partially.

3. She sure as fuck makes me feel that way.

And this has gone on for several months, progressively getting worse and worse, and affecting my mind more and more to the point where I feel that anyone who trusts me for even a second is just setting themselves up for a really bad time.

Everything I do is wrong. No doubt about that.

I'm an asshole and an idiot. She has agreed with that multiple times.

I'm a huge fucking weirdo. I won't even get into that now.

I, Nick Simmons, hereby decree that I am a waste of life, time, and effort.

I'm not trying to get attention, I'm not looking for nice comments, I'm just stating how the fuck I really feel.

Then there's the mindfuck portions. I am on a minefield. But here's that catch, the mines have no distance between them. Every move is the wrong one, and all it is is just a continual combo without a combo-breaker.

5 minutes of 'happiness', out of 24 hours of just the same old depreciation, it's just… I cannot fucking handle it. (EDIT: Here comes the same fucking cycle again…) (EDIT 2: And again.)

I don't deserve her.

But I'm not entirely sure what I mean by that.

Why?

Well fuck, I mean… I feel I love her completely, that I'd give my life for her, that I'd be lost without her, and I feel she deserves better than me.

But… at the same time… I feel like I am the one who actually deserves better. A girlfriend who won't see my every fucking move as wrong. Who isn't so quick to pull out the small bad from the larger good. A girlfriend who, well, acts like a fucking girlfriend.

I guess I'm just really fucking arrogant too.

But I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

Is there anything I can know? Any worldly understanding left for me? Or, is it all up to her to dish out in unfair-seeming amounts?

Back to making more love-'songs' that suck, I guess.

Or, maybe another game.

Or maybe nothing at all.

Yeah, that sounds about right. Back to playing games it is, then, I guess.

Ocarina of Time, Shadow Temple. Still don't have Epona, have three bottles, and some extra hearts. Oh oh oh, and I got the Hover Boots before the lens of truth. That was fun, I guess.

I hope you enjoyed a short delve into my mind. Don't go any deeper, it just gets really fucked up.