Sorry, no top 5's today. I will bring one next week.

I remember the tom and jerry movie when it came out. It was so hyped and promoted (not like the original Transformers movie). I really stabbed my parents to watch it and when it came out, I loved it. Now I am 14 years older and wiser and now I know what a dumb fuck I was. This movie sucks ass, dick and balls only to choke on it all. If you have limited memories of this film, burn them, you wouldn't need them.

The plot is practically non-existant, but the faint vapor of it goes like this: Tom & Jerry are now friends (this is the most unforgiveable alteration of T&J. Who came up with this idea, Ms. SoccerMom?! Tom wanting to kill Jerry, and vice-versa is the whole point of Tom & Jerry!). Tom & Jerry can now talk beyond the occasional remark or laugh (slightly more forgiveable, but let's be serious: who really wants Tom & Jerry talk frequently? Just make them try to mutilate each other in many horrible ways with kitchen appliances!). Tom & Jerry feel sorry for a girl who's dad isn't around (call me a heartless asshole, but: oh boo-hoo-hoo).

But even without the universally moronic changes, this movie sucks. The animation, for example, is complete crap. Jerry hardly looks like himself, Tom is drawn flatly, and the supporting characters look like older Hanna-Barbera designs: 1-Dimensional and rushed.

The voices are even worse. Now, I'm not expecting them to sound as good as Mel Blanc, but damn, they should have at least tried! I have a 5-year-old cousin that could have done better. I don't know if it's possible, but the voices here sound so cutesy and tame.

Oh yes, and there is no violence. What's up with that? This is Tom & Jerry, I should see a cat and mouse try to blow the other to pieces, not them become friends and help a little girl.

My problem with this movie is that it is SO harmless, so bland, so dumbed-down, and so politically correct that it made me think I was watching an hour-long special on PBS rather than watching Tom & Jerry. It's just a sub-standard attempt to turn a funny, violent cartoon into a dull moral-istic (is that a word?) movie, and attempting to do such is like the guys on Jackass attempting a stunt they did before minus the violence and self-inflicting pain. If You remake something and deprive it of it's whole point, why did you re-do it in the first place?

I found this movie in the attic in my grampa's house and destroyed it. No kidding. I burnt it. This is to make sure all my relatives and descendants never find out I owned (and loved) an abomination to a classic series (take that link: faces of evil and hotel mario).