Hey everyone! I decided to write a short story, and its actually really factual. Just for fun, instead of telling you guys what its about, I would like to see if you can work it out :). Anyway, here it is :)
(BTW, apologies for any spelling mistakes. I've checked it quite thoroughly, but having stared at it for several days straight makes me skip alot meaning there are more than likely some left, feel free to point them out :).
“Quick, hold his arms down!â€? Erythro yelled, running around the operating table. Leuko started screaming in pain as the virus began to take over! A man rushed over and strapped Leuko to the table, as he began to shake violently.“What now!â€? yelled the Man over the top of Leukos' screaming. He could tell Erythro was unsure of what to do, but he needed orders. He rushed over to Erythro, who just stood there for several seconds, fazed out.“Look Agranulo, very soon he's going to start multiplying, we need to get out of here or we'll all get infected!â€? Erythro replied, his thoughts getting back on track. They took one last look at Leuko, who desperately turned his head to face them. His eyes were wide, and his ears were bloody, he couldn't be helped. “I'm sorry Leuko.â€? Erythro said quietly, and he and Agranulo began to run from that area, as the rest of the cleaners began to devour then creatures that sprouted from Leuko. Leuko had stopped screaming.2 hours earlierErythro walked down the path he had taken every day since he was born. Not really walking though, as the ground beneath him shifted, allowing him to take whichever path he wanted without ever taking a step. He moved through the sewer on this huge mind controlled escalator, dim lights brightening the never ending path. The world had a green tinge, although moss covered every corner making it seem like it had no effect. These thoughts never crossed Erythros mind though, as this was what he knew, and also because he had no time to think like this. He and the thousands of others on the path, had a job to do.There were many people slowly moving around the path, some wearing red, some wearing green, and others white. The path was thin, meaning it was very crowded. Erythro didn't mind though, he enjoyed the company.His path slowly twisted to the right as he entered the centre of the device. Cogs and wheels spanned from the walls to the ground, allowing the path to bend. Erythro noticed one of his friends rotating the cogs.“Hey Leuko!â€? Erythro yelled from the path. “Hi! See you again in a minute!â€? Leuko replied, brushing some dirt off his white shirt. Erythro started to leave the centre, his path twisting back the exit, continuing along the now relatively straight journey. Very soon after that, he came to his stop. There was a large room extending from the tunnel, mostly blocked off, apart from a small hole where Erythro could receive items. As usual, a piece of paper was dropped out from it, along with a pen. Erythro had almost memorised the papers contents, as it simply asked for a signature to prove the item had been picked up. Erythro signed as “Erythro Cyteâ€?, passed it back through the hole, and received a jar full of air. Erythro then needed to pass this into one of the many holes in the wall. He could see many people being sucked into these holes, although he did not understand why. He continued down the path until a hole in the wall lit up with a green light. As the path stopped moving, he pushed the jar into the hole, which promptly moved it into a different area. For once, he decided to look through the hole. He could see a room, with several people in there. On the ceiling of the room there was a light, which had been turned off. He could smell a nice aroma, similar to that of a lasagne, or just food in general. Suddenly, he saw the jar break open, and the people lit on fire! The light on the ceiling turned on, and the path began to move again.
“What just happened!â€? Erythro said to himself over and over. He needed to find answers. He began change the path, when suddenly, a huge explosion ruptured from the side of the walls. He fell to the ground, the path beginning to speed up. A sudden shock wave ruptured through the tunnel, enlarging the walls, making it easier to move. Erythro began to stand, when a bunch of people began to run through him, knocking him over again. They were wearing green clothing, with the word Platelets on them. The Platelets ran over to the hole, and began to stack on top of each other, covering it. Suddenly, he could feel himself being drawn towards them. His feet began to lift off the ground and he flew straight into the Platelets. He could see everyone else on the path fly towards the hole, and soon it was completely covered. Erythro didn't enjoy this though, and he struggled to break free. Suddenly, he could feel the mesh of people begin to bend forward, as if something was trying to force its way in!Finally the people patch could hold no longer. They all were thrown outwards against the side of the sewer as something began to enter through the hole. Erythro groaned as he tried to see what had entered. He could barely see through his blurry vision, but a distinct shape began to emerge. Thin spindly legs extended from a small body. Erythro could not understand how such long legs could support the body, but then again, Erythro had never seen anything outside of the sewer. Several of these creatures began to crawl in, everyone rushing out of their way. Suddenly, one of the creatures lifted its leg up, and stabbed down into someone’s stomach“Everyone, run!â€? Erythro yelled as the creatures began rampaging through the people, stabbing them as they ran through. The people wearing red began screaming and trying to get away, still going in the correct direction of the path. Suddenly, everyone wearing white began to extend their mouths to be as large as the creatures. As Erythro ran from the invaders, he could see the people begin to devour the monsters in a single mouth full! He continued running down the path, when he saw Leuko running behind him beginning to move towards the monsters! Erythro realised that Leuko wouldn't know anything about the creatures!“Leuko, watch out for the legs, they can stab you!â€? Erythro called out. Leuko just continued on towards them without any acknowledgement he had heard. Most of the creatures had been eaten by now, with only two remaining. Leuko chomped down on one of them, swallowing quickly. As he began to turn towards the next monster, it jumped towards him, throwing him off guard! The creature began to raise its leg, Erythro watching from afar.
“Leuko, get out of th-â€?, and the leg had struck the ground. To Erythro It felt like time had slown down. He could see the leg and how cleanly it had cut through Leukos stomach. The creature began to raise its leg, to shake off Leukos corpse. Erythro eyes were wide, stunned. He clasped his hands to his mouth in shock, as he began to fall backwards. Leuko had known Erythro from when he had first been created, and now he was dead, gone, just another piece of meat the monster wanted to remove from its leg.Another person wearing white devoured the last monster quickly, and began to eat all of the fallen people. Suddenly, Erythro noticed Leuko was still breathing, still alive! Erythro began to speed up his path, wanting to get back round as fast as possible. Erythro passed by the jar stall, passed by all the holes in the wall, and quickly came back round to where the massacre had taken place.“Hold on one second, what are you doing!â€? Erythro called out as he walked towards the people cleaning up the mass of bodies. One of them turned to look at him.“We need to clean up this mess, before they start replicatingâ€? the cleaner replied. Erythro looked at the cleaner, confused. “None of these people are dead, but they are definitely better off that way. Very soon, their genetic code will begin changing to what those creatures injected, and then they will create more of the monsters.â€? the cleaner continued.“Can I, can I at least say goodbye?â€? asked Erythro, staring at his friend who lay still on the ground. The cleaner nodded, and Erythro began to kneel down next to Leuko. Leukos breathing was heathy, and his eyes were having trouble staying open.“Hey Leukoâ€? Erythro said softly, tears beginning to gather in his eyes. “I-I really don't know what to, what to say, other than the fact that you are my only friend here. Oh my goodness, I cannot believe this is happeningâ€? Erythro whispered as tear ran down his friends cheek. Suddenly, Leuko's eyes opened wide, and he began shaking.“Erythro, back away. We need to get Leuko out of here, he unsafe for digestion. We need to isolate him.â€? one of the cleaners stated calmly, as they picked up Leukos body. Another cleaner emerged with a table, and they placed Leuko on it. Leuko began to shake more violently.“Quick, hold his arms down!â€? Erythro yelled, running around the operating table. Leuko started screaming in pain as the virus began to take over! A man rushed over and strapped Leuko to the table, as he began to shake violently.“What now!â€? yelled the Man over the top of Leukos' screaming. He could tell Erythro was unsure of what to do, but he needed orders. He rushed over to Erythro, who just stood there for several seconds, fazed out.“Look Agranulo, very soon he's going to start multiplying, we need to get out of here or we'll all get infected!â€? Erythro replied, his thoughts getting back on track. They took one last look at Leuko, who desperately turned his head to face them. His eyes were wide, and his ears were bloody, he couldn't be helped. “I'm sorry Leuko.â€? Erythro said quietly, and he and Agranulo began to run from that area, as the rest of the cleaners began to devour then creatures that sprouted from Leuko. Leuko had stopped screaming.It was a few days before everything was back on track. Erythro had to continue around the path as normal, delivering air to the allow for the burning of the lasagne people. Although it had only been a few days since he had been created could feel his life beginning to fade. He could see many of his friends around him had already died, their limited lifespan coming to an end. But Erythro just continued on, his telemiers length slowly counting down, eventually, coming to a stop.The system would continue on though, each day bringing about hundreds of more people to the path, helping the machine continue to grind away day after day. It would be a long time before it would fail, something not many of the people would see. But Erythro didn't have time to think like this. He had a job to do, for the rest of his life.
Woah, that looks pretty cool!
Thanks pirate rob :). The short film has begun being filmed, with a few minor changes to the story. I've had to edit the story a little bit as I made a few mistakes. The main changes are a new ending(Alot better :D), and I also had to switch the names of the two main characters around :). I would post some more images, but the new ones would give away what the story is really about, which I still want to see if anyone knows :D. Just wondering, has anyone read it? Its ok if not, lots of competitions at the moment and such, just wondering :P.
Pretty sure the story was about blood cells fighting bacteria or viruses or somesuch. It kind of helps that one of the main characters' names is Leuko (as in leukocyte, which iirc is a white blood cell). Plus mention of them wearing white shirts, the nature of the replicating monsters, and so on.
It's an interesting way of describing what happens at the cellular level though; definitely gets at the overwhelming amount of chaos that occurs in our bodies on a regular basis. Easy to forget that, when we're so used to thinking of ourselves as individual units (and not larger self-contained systems made up of trillions of cells).Thanks colseed! Yep, your right about what its about :D. Hope you enjoyed reading it, and yeah, definitely agree with that last sentence :). It really is amazing that our bodies can do so much without us noticing, it constantly does everything(up until the infection part) in the book every second, and yet we don't know lol :D. Hope you enjoyed reading it, and thanks for the comment :)
That was quite an interesting read. I smiled at Erythro Cyte.
Also if you want the name for platelets its Thrombocyte. And for your clot you could have them tying people together (fibrin). Obviously I like this parallel :)Thanks Seleney :). I'll have to include that in the film, might be really funny, and more informative :D. Anyway, an update on the short film. Filming has finished, so now I'm just doing all the editing, and making the music for it and such. I'm also challenging myself to make all sound effects for this short film, so that will be interesting lol :D. I think it will be done within a week, so yay! :D.
Very nice; what did you use for that movie scene?
Your writing is coming along nicely. A few grammar things here and there, and some of the lines could be more powerful, but the ideas are clear and generally well-executed.Thanks JoshDreamland :). Thanks for your critique of the writing, and I definitely agree with that last part. I have quite a bit of trouble writing intense scenes, or more just conveying emotion as too be honest I try to distance myself from emotions quite a bit lol :D. I'll see if I can find any tips on writing them cause that's a weak point for me :P. I'm using Blender for all the visual effects for the film, It also has the ability to greenscreen so I'll be using it for that as well instead of my slightly, just a little bit cracked version of after effects :D.
Here's a piece of music for the short film, although I might work on it a bit more. I think it would be perfect for the second paragraph of chapter two :). Anyway, here''s a link: Link