>_>

“I am Pan Belnades, heir to the Belnades bloodline continuation!â€?

“That is if you can get a woman, sir, but quite frankly, you are awful at getting women.â€?

“It is my destiny to continue the bloodline and I will not fail. It is my family that provides the most excellent of blond witches and- I wish I was a woman.â€?

“Me too. They have such soft chests and skin. Oh, how I loathe the possession of this awful external organ and functionality. I wish my body to be feminine and to be artistic!â€?

“Yes, I know. I know, but that ill matters when it is compared to the awesome magical gene that the Belnades women achieve. Besides, curves confuse me.â€?

“Wait, Pan, I find it strange that this gene can only be in women.â€?

“I blame God. He cursed the men in this bloodline with his strange hands or legs or tentacles or even fins I guess.â€?

“Sorry, lad. I am a Hindu. I believe a god with an elephant head is the cause of your most unfortunate misfortune.â€?

“Why are you wearing a crucifix?â€?

“They’re purrrrty.â€?

“Wow! That is pretty indeed!â€?

“No, shut up! It’s purrrrty.â€?

Crabs

I am no longer unfaltering at keeping my soul within this poor tired vessel. The last shard of my will has broken from my bloody chest as the claws of a giant crab (Sadly, persistently in my opposition) broke through my soft skin and flesh and tore my heart when he snatched the girl of my dreams away. Oh, Sibyll! I need not linger as mortal. I want to be an immortal spirit! To glide along the gentle clouds and cerulean sky, I will hunt the persistent crustacean with vorpal blade in hand (Purchased from a shop in the Bamian Province. It was the last one. Too bad for you. Imagine me shedding a tear for you unless you’re that crab)!

The Sun glows with extreme yellow and white; it beckons for my entrance into its holy interior. Traveling across the wood and evergreen of Jova, several terrified peasants anxiously told me of the daemon’s path. Into the mainland, eh, crab? I shall chase you down wherever you flee! Up the Fuji or down the Temple of Agni (Seemingly, a tourist spot despite being an area frequented by Yamandratic cultists), I shall exact my revenge upon you, oh loathsome enemy! Apollo guides me to you!

Oh, excuse my actions, gent. I deluded myself into believing you were the avatar of the merciless demon. I’ll take that sword out of you now. My deepest apologies!

K'

*sob

I'm never falling for a Hindu again. : (

I should target…

Muslim girls.

Or

Kiyomasa Kato.