I think the whole genre is silly as shit. So logically I'm going to write one. Here it goes.
My Erotica - Part 1
By Extravisual
Ronnica was leaning on her car. She was waiting for her date, who was now 30 minutes late. She felt her legs getting sore, so she sat in the car. Her date had never been late before, so she didn't want to give up on him. She tried calling his cellphone, but it went straight to voice mail.
"Ugh," She mumbled to herself, "where on earth could he be?"
Just then, a gorgeous guy walked past. He had short curly hair, a square jaw, and an amazing body. Ronnica's vagina was instantly soaking wet. She climbed out of the car, and called to the guy. He turned around.
"What do you want?" He asked. His voice was deep and sexy.
"I think the question is, what do YOU want?" She replied, winking at him.
"I'm sorry?" He looked bewildered. She gave him another wink.
"Wanna get into the back seat of this car and see how fast she goes?"
"Um, I'm gay, sorry. I'll just be going now."
Ronnica watched, disappointed, as he left. He was just so hot.
"Oh well," she thought, "I guess I'll just wait for my date to arrive."
She turned around to go back to her car, but it was gone. She stared for a moment, confused. Somebody must have stolen it. Just then she heard a loud voice behind her.
"Ronnica," it said, "I have come for you."
She spun around. There was her car, standing upright. Its drive shaft was erect and pointing at her. It must have been 14 feet long.
"What.... You're my car..." she stammered.
"Yes. I am your car. It is time for you to make my babies."
It grabbed her, twisted her around, and pulled off her pants.......
Edit: Oh yeah and it's sorta based on a true story.
My Erotica - Part 2
By Flip
Ronnica, thinking quickly, pulled out her rape whistle and blew it with all her might. Almost instantly, Ronnica's original thing that she was gonna blow with all her might showed up. Her boyfriend.
It was a fight to the death. Ronnica's boyfriend took out his Pistol-Blaster 9000 and used his un-natural trigger finger and fired. Unfortunately, his accuracy was on the low side, missing every shot. His turn was over.
It was the car's turn. It used it's drive shaft to smack Ronnica's boyfriend in the face, and then it kicked him in the weak spot. His vagina. (Ouch.)
Ronnica's boyfriend hasn't given up yet. He took off his shirt, to reveal a penis in the middle of his chest. It was 20 feet long, and was hard as a diamond. He did a little shimmy, knocking the hunk of metal upside down. The lights turned off, and the drive shaft shrunk back to normal size. Ronnica's boyfriend wins!
Ronnica ran up to her boyfriend and hugged him. And then they walked off in happiness.
But just behind them, the car's lights turned back on.
My Erotica - Part 3
By Extravisual
The car became conscious and saw Ronnica and her boyfriend walking away. He lugged himself into car position, feeling very ashamed. He was sitting there for no more than a minute before a police car showed up.
"Mr. Car," The police car said, "You are under arrest for attempted rape of a human."
Mr. Car turned on his engine. He was a faster model than the police car, he could totally outrun them. In a flash he headed towards the the street, just to be cut off by police cars at the head of the parking lot. He skidded to a halt.
"Dammit!" He exclaimed.
"That's it sir, now you are guilty of resisting arrest. Come quietly or I'll see you end up on the side of the road in the middle of Cowboyland with a stolen engine, and three bashed out windows."
Mr. Car came quietly. Two weeks later, he was in the impound. It was a particularly large impound, Mr. Car was scared. He saw two large black semi trucks driving towards him. One had mudflaps that said "Mom" on them, the other's said "Bubba."
"Oh I see we got ourselves some fresh steel." Bubba said.
"We like love steel, don't we." The other one said. Mr. Car could see his drive shaft becoming erect. "If you don't struggle, we'll make this as painless as possible...."
My name is Travis, and I am an internet addict.
Enough said?
No? Okay fine. Basically when I got my internet taken away, I took an old shitty wireless adapter I had and shoved it in the side of a can and pointed it in the general direction of the wireless network. Lo and behold, it worked. Barely any signal and shit reliability, but hey, internets. This morning I couldn't get connected with only my can, so I modified it. Yay!
Edit: I tweaked it a bit and managed to get TWO WHOLE BARS. OMG.
He sucks cock. Seriously deserves to die. Fuck Scott Pilgrim too, for that matter. Looks dumb.
I'm probably gonna lose internet tomorrow for a while. I shall try to get it back as soon as possible, but that might not be for a few weeks. All because my grandma is a bitch. I have the cash to get a new wireless antenna, but since it is cash I have to go through somebody with the ability to order online. Which is her. And how dare I spend my own money on things that I want. (Note: Antenna is 50 dollars, and she helped me order a 200 dollar monitor with no complaints.)
Also she called my mom and turned her against me, totally ruining my plans for the future. I have such a nice grandmother.
They need to invent slam-proof keyboards.
Yeah I don't have much else to say, as usual. I get the results of the writing part of my GED test next Monday. This shit takes forever. If I learn that I failed, I will rage.
Yeah I don't have much more to say, I just figured I'd post another blog before I lost internet. Also, if any of you do not have me on your favorite users list, consider adding me. ^_^
Oh and Ronnica is hot. Sometimes.
Not much to say currently, but I thought I'd post the results of the GED test I took last weekend.
Still waiting on the writing grade, since they made me write an essay that takes 10 work days to score. A huge waste of time if you ask me. If these grades are any indication of it, I should do fine.
Not bad for having been out of highschool for 2 years and not having prepared at all.
All game makers love to advise to keep your games small in scale. I take issue with this. Sure, a small game by a small developer is more likely to be higher in quality and more polished (and finished for that matter) but this advise tends to make games... Indie and hipster. Small cartoony people platforming around in a brightly colored cartoony world. Seen it. Tired of it. That style of game is so very "artsy," that is, pretentious. It's not fun, not cool, very annoying, very unoriginal. Stop making it people. I would argue that platformers themselves are getting really old, but I would be lynched by an angry mob of nerds.
Personally, I like to think big for my projects. I mean, it's not like I finish small ones either, so I may as well make what I do get finished super awesome and epic right? I am one of those people who starts a ton of projects and finishes none. I mean, look at the games I have on 64D? There are none, just two examples. I like to start engines then get sidetracked and never look at them again. I've got about 5 abandoned Unity projects (some of which were looking quite decent) and Satan knows how many abandoned GM projects.
I mentioned pretentiousness in my first paragraph, which reminds me of how much I despise those "satanists." They love to be like "oh ho ho Satanism isn't the worship of the devil it's the worship of one's self." Well I got news for you buddy, Satan is a proper noun. It's like somebody claiming to be "Christian" and not believing in Christ. It just doesn't make sense. And on that note, there is no god.
I really want to make a webseries. I have a 120 dollar webcam that is never used. I just wish I had creativity enough to think of an original premise. And then the patience for video editing. And the motive to do several episodes. And the charisma to maintain good energy in the video lest people get bored. Yeah it's never gonna happen.
Oh and nobody figured out what I did with my banner/avatar last blog. All the whites are now transparent, I was hoping that it would blend in with the page better that way, but I guess I made it too well, and it looks exactly the same. Oh also I rotated it so that the entire SMG is in the shot. (Notice the slightly rotated "CCCP") On that topic, I'm really starting to get tired of this banner/avatar. I need to make something new but am lacking inspiration. Do it for me. Thanks in advance.
Bye.
So yeah, I hardly ever blog. Though I do read some when I'm bored, which seems to be more and more frequent these days. So I guess I'll write a blog now, despite not having much to say.
I think I'll start off with my liking of the activity feed. Best thing to happen to 64digits since sliced bread (you all remember when sliced bread happened here right?) It really makes browsing the site a whole lot more... Lively, if you get my meaning. So yeah, love it, thanks KaBob.
Hel is making a game. A sequel to one of his other games, and it's totally awesome. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I made its base engine. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I'm proud of what my engine was used to build. Either way, it rocks, be excited.
I modified my banner and avatar. Kudos to you if you can spot what I did.
Yeah this blog is made of short bits, I just have nothing substantial to talk about.
Why are flies so loud? Fuckers.
I'm currently using the worst ISP that I've ever seen. Every few minutes the modem/router hybrid loses DSL connectivity, then gets it back. Nights are especially bad. This shit is ridiculous, I wouldn't pay for this if you paid me.
Well I really don't have anything more to say, so bye.
Edit: Also, I'm no longer living in Alaska, but rather living in the same state as blackhole.
You mechs may have copper wiring to rerout your fear of pain... June 18, 2010
... but I've got nerves of steel.
Many of you who frequent the IRC may know (thanks to my verbal thinking) that I have begun learning Unity, and making 3D games. As a result, I have started learning to 3D model in Blender. I may have hated Blender in the past, but now I am in love with it... That is, Blender 2.5.2 Alpha. I can't stomach the current stable release, which is what all of the tutorials are written for, so I've been pretty much learning it all on my own. It's progressing quite well, actually. Currently about 25% done with my first character model. Once I finish modeling and texturing/mapping this model, I'm gonna learn bones. I don't expect it to be too hard, and animations should be a snap. Probably do those in Unity though, as I've already played with the Unity animation editor.
Another thing those of you who frequent the IRC may know, is that 2 days ago I watched Avatar. It made me very angry. You won't like me when I'm angry, so I shall refrain from including a multi-page rant about it in this blog. Suffice it to say, it was horrible.
On the other hand, last night I watched Evil Dead II. That movie was so much fun. I would sooner be forced to watch Evil Dead II 24/7 for the rest of my life than be forced to watch Avatar once more. God it was awful. My favorite scene in Evil Dead II has to be where Ash is in the kitchen while his possessed hand tries to kill him. It manages to knock him unconscious, then drags him across the floor while reaching for a meat cleaver before Ash wakes up, pins it down with a knife, and cuts it off with a chainsaw while maniacally yelling "WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?" The scene was crazy, awesome, and hilarious. All at the same time. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Oh yeah, and I'm moving to Washington state in 5 days. I haven't even started to get ready, yet I can't help but procrastinate, and I'm starting to get really anxious. I do look forward to leaving this hell-hole though, even though I'm just going to another hell-hole. I like variety in my hell-holes. I am hoping to find employment and save up some money so that I can get a new computer, and fly back East. Ideally with plenty left over. Dunno how I'm going to find a job in that little town. I guess I'll figure that out when the time comes. Of course, that's what I told myself before I came up here. Damn.
Speaking of employment, I don't have it. I never can motivate myself to find it, and when it is just given to me, I am absolutely miserable and do a piss-poor job at it. I can think of many theories about why this is, and all of them fit. I'm not sure if this shows depth of the issue, or demonstrates my ability to create logical theories that do a good job of fitting circumstances. One theory that fit quite well was one I brought up in my last blog, my refusal to work for an intangible goal. I used the example of building a table. This is quite literal, as I have built a table when I required one. However, green pieces of paper is not something I can readily use. Lesser so, imaginary currency in a bank account. Couldn't even wipe my ass with that, what good is it to me? I understand that money = stuff at a high level, but somewhere in my brain is a part that processes and grasps the concept of goals and consequences to actions, and it has a loose wire. Combined with my resistance to pressure and lack of self-control, I find things like employment and education to be very difficult.
This theory covers my inability to attain employment, but what about my complete misery when I finally do manage to do work? Can an experience be made more tolerable when your subconscious fully understands the rewards for doing the work? If so, I can see how it ties in, but I am honestly unsure. If I really did understand the benefits of working, would I find the work far more tolerable? I've seen the faces of others working; I am quite confident that they do not suffer as I do. Perhaps I am just weak. I do not know.
Back in tenth grade, before I dropped out the first time, my counselor recommended a psychological evaluation. I went through this, and they concluded that I had depression. More specifically, dysthymia (along with a depressingly slightly-above-average IQ). One of the symptoms of dysthymia is lack of motivation. At first I went along with that, but after a year of therapy and two months of antidepressants, I am confident that it is not so. My depression is acute, and comes with doing these things that I hate so much, it doesn't prevent me from doing them. That's right, I find a productive lifestyle significantly less fulfilling than a lazy and wasted lifestyle. I've never understood workaholics and the like. The only productive activities that I truly enjoy are those of a creative nature: programming, making games, etc. All other productive activities cause me nothing but grief.
You may have noticed in the above paragraph that I mentioned having dropped out a first time. This is true. I dropped out from my school in Massachusetts halfway through my Junior year, then moved up here to Alaska. I reentered school the following year as a Senior. While I knew many of the people up here from my childhood, I quickly discovered that I had absolutely nothing in common with any of them. As such, I found myself unable to connect with anybody and friendless, with nobody so much as trying to meet me. They all had their preconceptions of me from the past, which was not me in the present. Regardless, I gradually started to slide back into my old ways. These social issues combined with my continued inability to do any schoolwork at all, made the entire experience nothing but absolute suffering with no redeeming value whatsoever. I started to become extremely depressed, near-suicidal. Finally, I just stopped going to school. Never officially dropped out, nor returned my schoolbooks, simply vanished. Nobody seemed to care.
About a month later, I began the process of getting my GED. Getting a GED turned out to be an extremely bureaucratic and painful process. There are three steps involved. The first is taking five 20-minute tests to see if you qualify for the pretests. Then you have to take the five 40-minute pretests in order to qualify for the proper tests. Then you have to take the five 80-minute main tests. Yes, 11 hours and 40 minutes of testing. I finished half of the first step the first day, then realized just how much there was, and suddenly found myself unmotivated, and never returned. I'm starting to see a trend here.
Did I mention I quit the first official job I ever had after a single 4-hour shift? That was 1 month after nearly being fired from the first unofficial job I ever had (I tried to quit that one after the first day, but my dad wouldn't allow me.)
So yeah. I doubt you wanted to hear any of that, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't read it. In the event that you did actually read all of that, I think I shall reward you with oral sex. Enjoy.
I only ever come here when people link me to blogs and such. I should come here more often, my online social life on Facebook is failing me due to my lack of friends. Try as I might, the people who I attempt to stay connected with are slowly fading away, and I am far too arrogant and set in my ways to find new people. It was hard enough to find those ones, dammit.
Evidence of my continued disconnection from all things community can be seen in my ever decreasing ability to write works of length, while maintaining a steady train of thought and understandable meaning. My practice has gone into writing verbose, albeit fairly short posts. Such as in IM or a Facebook comment. I simply cannot keep my meaning straight and understandable in anything longer than a short paragraph. This annoys me because I am rather critical of others for failing to do this.
On a semi-related note, I've observed an ever growing trend of people failing to use any sort of capitalization and only some punctuation, while retaining an otherwise decent format. Come on people, you're almost there, is it so hard to add a comma here and there? Or to press shift every so often? I won't be so conceited as to claim that my English is perfect, but it annoys me that my vastly imperfect lingual abilities are a huge step up from some of the riffraff I've been seeing. I know people are better than this, why do people who generally best me at just about everything fail at this simple task? I've heard people say that it's cool, but whoever decided that acting stupid was cool should be hanged.
Recently my peers have been graduating from highschool. Apparently the gaining of a certificate signifying one's willingness to submit himself to the tedium of a modern day normal life is some cause for celebration. Highschool is like some sort of cultist initiation ceremony, or a boot camp. Where they bend and strain you until you snap, and proceed to leave behind your soul and and give yourself up, to be shepherded into what is generally regarded as a "normal life." I will likely never understand the true purpose of highschool, and I doubt anybody else does either. The difference is that I refuse to work for a goal that is not immediately tangible, or at least a direct result of my efforts. To put it another way, if I want a table, I'll build a table. Not subject myself to 4 years of training for an unrelated profession in the hopes that one day I'll be able to trade my skills for bits of green paper, which I can trade for a table. For this reason, you will be more successful than me in life, and I am happy for you.
Another highschool ritual that I fail to understand is prom. Seriously, what the fuck. What can I even say? I find myself severely lacking in words to describe how unbelievably stupid prom is. I suppose I can't speak for girls, but what on earth is going through the mind of a guy that goes through this? Oh right, "must... get... laid..." Guys, do me a favor. Curb your sex drive for the sake of our sex's integrity. Stop indulging the fantasies of females simply because you desire to put your nut inside their socket. It's quite demeaning. On the other hand, if you are genuinely willing to go through with this degrading act, you should stop being so conformist. I hesitate to use the word "conformist" as it makes me feel rather dirty, but honestly, society has made you its little bitch. Next thing you know, it'll be gagging you with a red ball. You don't want to be a bdsm slave, do you?
This whole blog reeks of pretentious nonconformity, it makes me feel unclean. I think I'll leave it at this. Commence hateful comments in 3.... 2.... 1....
What is it? The best profile picture/banner on this site of course. This thing fucking rocks. All envy its might.
Seriously, after over a year it still rocks your socks off.
Enough said?
No? Okay fine. Basically when I got my internet taken away, I took an old shitty wireless adapter I had and shoved it in the side of a can and pointed it in the general direction of the wireless network. Lo and behold, it worked. Barely any signal and shit reliability, but hey, internets. This morning I couldn't get connected with only my can, so I modified it. Yay!
Edit: I tweaked it a bit and managed to get TWO WHOLE BARS. OMG.
Still waiting on the writing grade, since they made me write an essay that takes 10 work days to score. A huge waste of time if you ask me. If these grades are any indication of it, I should do fine.
Not bad for having been out of highschool for 2 years and not having prepared at all.
Love of my life.
