If that horrible title didn't get through your thick skull, I'm making some pizza.

Everyone loves pizza, and i thought I'd make some.

Anyone else want to make pizza? OK.

Here's what you do.

You get the phone-book, and look up the nearest pizza company.

Call them, and order a pizza.

It's as easy as that.

OH! You meant, make a pizza?

I'll just dust off my cookbook; Cooking for one.

Here's what you needed.

Flour

Eggs

Olive oil

Salt

Sugar

Yeast

Water

hands

alcohol (sambucca, preferably but you can use anything.Gin, Vodka, Sherry, Cough syrup, Mouthwash.)

I used cough syrup and sambucca, but try to avoid menthol.

So, just add some yeast, about one teaspoon, to some warm water.

about 100 ml of water.

Don't let the water boil, or else that yeast will die.

keep that shit away from your ears, or else you'll get infected.

Put a glug of olive oil, if you're cheap, you can just use pre-used cooking oil or something, or canola oil. or butter.

anyway, put your chosen oil in a new bowl, one glug of it.

Stir in a teaspoon of sugar, and a teaspoon of salt.

and a little bit of boiling water, say, 20 ml.

wait, no, stir it after the water.

wait for the water to cool down, read a book or something, and put it in the yeast solution.

holy shit I'm hungry, this is going to take hours.

better order some more pizza, the first one hasn't arrived yet.

I'll pick the other pizza company this time, as the first one doesn't seem good enough.

OK, so mix your water with your water, when the boiling water becomes the same temperature that the non boiling water was when it wasn't boiling.

this should be lukewarm, and all the cuddly yeast should be safe.

Remember the flour you did nothing with? time to do something with it.

if there are weavels in your flour, try to get rid of them. please, sift it or something.

someone i knew used to think they were a natural flour formation, and ate them.

Don't be that guy. You don't wanna be the guy.

So, after de-pesting your flour, you should start mixing it with your liquid.

Well the flour, in a bowl, then start pouring in your warm fluid.

don't do all of it at once, that's how you ruin things.

mix it, churn it, stir it up, until you get a nice flour.

Look at it and think; That's alive. That's alive for me to eat.

i could write a lecture on this.

in-fact, i will if you want.

you should just stir it, mix it, beat it, add flour, add your fluid, until it seems like a good dough. stretchy, smooth, fun to touch.

holy fuck, I've spent a long time writing this.

No pizza here yet.

just cover the dough in cling wrap.

wait, put it in a bowl, then cover the bowl in cling wrap.

fuck, no, put the cling wrap in a bowl and cover it in dough.

Head hurts. Is pizza bad for your health?

so, after the bowl has been sitting for about an hour, or a half our, and the dough has expanded a bit, just put it on your pizza stone, or metal dish.

add your poisons in there, finish up the rest, add flour, and make it back into that dough you had before.

just punch it into position on your pizza stone, or something, so that it's pizza shaped. I didn't have a rolling pin.

put whatever topping you want on there.

Tomato paste, or spaghetti, if you don't have any tomato paste, and then your topping. I couldn't care less what you put on here, salami, pineapple, ham, anchovies, dead hooker. Doesn't really matter, it's up to you.

put it in the over for around 12-20 minutes

put egg on center of pizza stone, and leave it in there for a few minutes.

the whites should be completely done, yellow is up to you.

pizza's ready.

And, as luck would have it, both pizza companies now arrive at your door step, and you end up with more than you can eat. but you do anyway.

Damn, that tastes good.