**Be warned, this blog is a shitfest of everything from the last two months of my absence**

Well, shit, It's been a while, hasn't it? Almost two months? I disappear like that sometimes. Let me catch you all up.

Life and Obligatory 64Depression-

Well you know, life's bullshit. You guys remember my blog titled "Tears" going over my recent relationship problem. We were technically in some kinda of relationship purgatory still, or as she called it 'a break', until I decided I couldn't take it anymore and just called it all off until we felt like we could work again.

This happened around the end of September.

I was having some pretty hardcore anxiety issues up until about a week or two ago. Combine anxiety, depression, and stress on a constant basis, and your mind does funky things to your body.

I went through a period of thinking I was going to have a heart attack due to tightness in my chest, pains, palpitations. I even thought I had heart disease. A few weeks later I started getting twitching in my side, which then spread all over my body in a day. I did some research, which then made me think I had ALS or MS. I essentially became a hypochondriac around this point, and it was horrible, knowing that there's nothing wrong with you, but panicking because your mind is telling you to. I hate having anxiety issues, I just can't stop thinking about things. Things in the past, things now, things to come, bad things, it's BAD.

I wanted to kill myself at a few points, tried at a few points, cried to sleep at a few points, and began to feel detached from the real world at a few points. I began thinking I could find a way to turn back time and change things, maybe I could salvage my sanity and not be alone, friendless, a loser with talent.

Nope.

I began in early September trying to deal with my sorrow by buying temporary happiness. I needed something… something that would pick me up from the floor, and so I bought game after game after game, blowing through cash like drinking water. Money does not buy happiness, only temporary relief from whatever it is that's haunting you. What'd I get? That's addressed in the next section.

But now I feel a bit better. I had to force myself to not let my anxiety control me. I don't care if I live long, or die tomorrow, but I don't want to die lonely and in agony, letting my memories and mind haunt and control me. That' just a no-go.

I realize I can't do this alone, and my true savior arrives November 6th.

Life. The Good Life-

My room has a name now.

I call it the 'Battle Station'.

Here's a panorama.

Also, back in September, I got the urge to play some of those awesome PS3 exclusives. The problem was I didn't have a PS3!

So I bought one, and the following games.

Infamous 2

Killzone 2

Killzone 3: Helghast Edition

Resistance: Fall of Man

Resistance 2

Resistance 3

Starhawk

SSX

Uncharted Dual Pack (Drake's Fortune and UC2 GOTY Edition)

Uncharted 3

I made the following modifications to my controller using oil-based paint markers and skillz.

The writing on the left-hand side says "Death To The ISA" in Helghan.

I'm gonna be honest. I fucking love Killzone.

I also got more Xbox games and Gears of War stuff.

Including the Halo Reach Limited Edition

And Soul Calibur V Collector's Edition

As for PC games, I actually haven't gamed on my laptop for some time until recently.

I bought Dishonored

and got NFS SHIFT 2 Unleashed for free off Origin.

The Art Life-

I won't splurge a whole section to this, and instead just post pictures of stuffs I did and things.

But I will say I was in a horrible art block ONCE AGAIN for a while, and in return

- I apologize to Alert-

if he happens to see this blog and go through it, because I had a commission to do, and was unable to deliver.

Basically… I should probably get my emotions and mentality in shape before I take on requests and commissions.

Anyways. I've been keeping to my silhouette style, because I quite enjoy it, and can crank out whatever happens to be in my head in under 2 hours, and I find that to be great.

And here I have some traditional work that are of really bad quality.

Acrylic on Canvas

Oil Pastel

-done on four separate pieces of paper and combined together… like Tetris, mang.-

Acrylic on Canvas

"I Am I"

Priced at $100

Submitted to the "Unibrow II Art Show" in Denver.

I'm hoping I'll win, and at the very least, be accepted into the show. First place prize is $200. Hell, maybe somebody will buy it. One thing's for sure, this is as close as you guys will get to seeing my face on 64D.

Hopefully this wasn't too much shit splurged into one blog. I love this place, figured I'd let you guys know I'm very much alive for now, before I happened to end up not very much alive.

Edit: New stuff