Feedback

Posted by Purrfektionist on April 23, 2006, 2:08 a.m.

Below is a random poem I thought I'd post to get feedback on. Honest and harsh criticism is welcome. I might use it for an end-of-year-project. And oh yeah, its kind of graphic, so just warning all you 14-something year-olds who may need to hold someone's hand while reading it. =)

War:

I turn men to mice

Infect you with disease; your hair full of lice

I’ve been here since the beginning

And I’ll be here till the end

Broken nations, broken cities, broken hearts peace can’t mend

So I’ll extend my hand and lend

You a tank, a gun, a bomb to use against each other

Many a times I’ve caused men to spill their blood brothers

Gash them over the head

Puncture their body’s leave ‘em dead

Arise to accept a million pains, many more tears to shed

I’ve never laid a finger on anyone, but I’ve painted the sky red

A magazine to load, grudges to hold

To me your soul is sold

And once again you arise on the front lines bold

Some say I’m necessary, can’t be ignored

Fools runnin’ by the thousands in hoards

Why do they not fear their lord?

The best feelings are expressed through anger and sadness

That is why the human cannot stop this madness

Indeed you already know me

Some refer to me as War

I produced countless bodies on Normandy’s shore

Left whole cities devastated; a celebration of gore

Bullets, knives, explosions, weapons galore

I’m yours to explore

All you must do is lose your reason and mind

One day sooner or later I’ll cleanse the earth of human kind

Comments

melee-master 18 years, 7 months ago

Whoa, very good Shay.

Purrfektionist 18 years, 7 months ago

lol, thanks. ^.^

JaJ 18 years, 7 months ago

I like it! Don't really understand it but I like it :P

gamehawk 18 years, 7 months ago

Good, but sad. Very true, so true that it's sad. We really our killing ouselves off.

Pandaroo_Fang 18 years, 7 months ago

T___T you make me miss writing poetry… you depress me!! *whails dramatically*

I love it :3

Purrfektionist 18 years, 7 months ago

yeah, I haven't written much lately. No inspiration or motivation, I guess. I wrote this peom a while ago, though.

and thanks ^.^

Rez 18 years, 7 months ago

awesome!

Amarin 18 years, 1 month ago

What REZ said.

Siert 18 years, 1 month ago

X(

ultim8p00 18 years, 1 month ago

wow, speachless