I remember as a child my older brother Jeremiah sweeping downstairs, and saw a large ant on the floor, crawling along unassumingly. He had already grown tired of sweeping, and upon seeing the ant, rather than simply sweep it away, he raised the broom and jabbed the broom towards the ground until he was sure it was dead. I felt sorry for the ant, as I always seem to do for insects and small animals when killed by humans.

I've seen children (and teenagers alike) find a colony of ants crawling and dissecting food that had fallen onto the sidewalk and forgotten about, raise their feet, stomp, and wipe the entrails of thousands of ants across the immediate area. Most in my position would argue the hypothetical, "What if a huge foot came across our own town and did what you’re doing?". I however never took up that position much as most had heard it all before, and the thought never provoked much fear in others, only more imaginative scenarios.

Its not that I'm needlessly sensitive about the welfare of these creatures, its simply I'd rather not kill them myself without an intelligent reason. Its not hard to believe this may connected to my fear of death, whereas the deaths of those insects and animals has me doubt any purposeful meaning behind life, especially intelligent life in the case of humans when we're easily led away from reason.

I'm not a vegetarian, nor do I plan on becoming one, and although I detest the unnecessary killing of insects, animals, and plants, I recognize that as a species designed to eat meat (and in possession of an enlarged brain thanks to eating meat), our domestication of cattle, chicken and so on is primarily a matter of our own survival, if not at least our health.

I haven't personally discussed vegetarianism with very many, so I shouldn't argue against their beliefs. I will however continue to ponder the irony of seeing nothing wrong with wild animals, whose bodies are designed to consume meat, hunt and kill prey for their flesh. Does our increased intelligence somehow play a factor? I understand that as intelligent as humans have become in changing their environment, that overkill is an issue, but that aside of course, is it believed that the more intelligent we become, the less likely we are (or should be) to kill for the sake of eating? I don’t know as I should point out again.

On one hand, I find it disheartening about our collective intellectual worth as a species if many of us as children and presently find entertainment, or indifference to the unprovoked or unnecessary killing of other living things, which keeps me believing there's a purpose to how I feel about these things, that others agree, and that it serves a purpose to keeping people mindful about this issue. On the other hand, removing my sense of superiority over insects and animals, as defensive as I am for the own welfare, I begin to think that my own existence is as meaningless as there's if it can be ended as easily as theirs was.

There are those who argue that as intelligent, creative minds, our existence is not meaningless as long as we're motivated to create, adapt and carry on our own ideas. I have my doubts as usual. There’s too much to consider before I begin to believe that there’s a purpose to life, the universe and everything if it was all created without reason and will very well end without reason.

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Yet another vague blog entry. Hope you enjoyed!