I don't know what happened to me over the weekend, but I feel really good now.
For a while, I've felt really stuck. My life revolves around cleaning, formula, and poop. So much so that, if Shaq is to get anything done besides homework and work-work, I hardly have time to think. I have no time. I have no friends. I have no interests. I have only expectations for time in the future.This weekend, though, I had a dialogue with God (don't judge me!) and spent a little time doing some introspection and it's likeI want to do things again.I know it sounds weird and trite and a little dramatic, but even before Finn was born, something last summer inside of me broke, snapped, disappeared. I ceased to be a person and became a mass of flesh trudging through my life.I gave up writing.I gave up books.I gave up singing.I gave up baking.I quit school.I quit my job, and pretty much just watched Grey's Anatomy and My Little Pony on Netflix all day every day.Ever since, my involvement in life has been nonexistent, and I have been more or less stagnant.I don't know what it was that made me give up everything I knew about myself, but I did, and I became a blob. It was like life was happening, and if someone were filming it, I was just a sticker on the lens of the camera. It only seemed like I was there.Coming here helped me realize my lack of substance.I wanted to post blogs and talk and create things and make friends, but I had nothing to say, because I didn't do anything.I didn't DO anything.So, in my absence, I have been sulking. I have been sulking and changing diapers and that's just about it.Until yesterday, when something sparked in my brain. It feels like I've re-lit my pilot light, and I have direction, and interests, and worth. I have things to offer. I'm not just here.I want to write.I want to work.I want to go back to school.I want to try and learn new things.I want to fill my time with things beside food and sleep.I have the desire to live again.Lord, I feel good. Thank God for this, guys, really.I had to share this with everyone. :)Okay, /end super-long happy vomitEDIT:I JUST GOT MY MOM AND MYSELF TICKETS FOR MOTHER'S DAY TO SEE PRICE IS RIGHT WHEN IT COMES TO YOUNGSTOWN AND I'M DYINGWE'RE REGISTERED TO BE CONTESTANTSWHAT IF I GET ON THE SHOWWHAT IF I WIN A CARWHAT IF I WIN A BLENDERI WILL DIE
You stole my energy :P
I'm feeling about the same as you were. I can't really find it in me to do much besides watching TV (Something I never do, usually), watching anime, and playing too many games. I'll snap out of it in a few days though; I usually do. Otherwise I'll just post a blog about me doing something crazy, like giving up on my projects, and somebody will whip me back into shape again.Awww :[ Well I hope it's over soon for you!
I don't usually watch it, either, so it was really weird.Don't give up on things you've already started though! My problem was I had nothing going on even at the time that all this caved in on me. It was more like I was in the ideas stage and it just… stopped. It never went anywhere. I wish I had some kind of awesome, clarifying advice to give you, but I don't even understand how I overcame it :/Thanks Juurian :3
Yay! Please do. I love good news!
immediate thought when i first read your edit: hmm, mother's day is a while away, why is she…. oh shit
but yayay, that's so exciting! i hope you win that blender! or car! or both!haha, princess :)
THANKS I HOPE I DO TOO.Even a blender would be exciting ;)