There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said, but this blog and some of its comments come across as extremely selfish and cold-hearted. I understand you have your own life to worry about. That's great, and so does the rest of the world. But when you have a family member who sounds as loving, helpful, and close to you as this person, it's hard to believe you'd be so eager to let it all go. Saying you don't want to get close to people because there will always be bad things is only making excuses to handle things weakly. Trials come with everything. Deal with it.

Death is a normal, natural thing, sure. But using that as an excuse to desensitize yourself is just barbaric. You're throwing away the fact that despite whatever religion you follow, you may not ever see that person again. Why would you take pride in that?

I can understand how outsiders to his problem would see him as being purely selfish but that's a natural and important human trait. Further more, when a family member falls ill, it brings the whole family down. it burdens everyone and even though every one (for the most part) is going to help and feel bad, they are going to hate the fact that they have to put in so much effort for a lost cause. So what i see is anthonyloprimo's frustration from the situation. as he put it, there is already so much going on in his life and he is losing out on opportunities that could potentially effect him even after his aunt is gone.

now i'm not saying, i'm supportive of pure arrogant selfishness but i can understand this kind of situation and based off what i've read i don't think he's that cold-hearted. different people have different ways of handling bad situations.

tl;dr Content to follow. If this doesn't seem to explain my situation enough, then just know that I'm not a fucking douchebag, and I can have IRL friends and family vouch for that.

I'm probably wording things wrong. Real wrong. Maybe I should just hire someone to re-organize and type shit up for me. Secretary, anyone? or something.

The ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL bit was sarcasm. Complete sarcasm. I don't find it wonderful. In fact, it's tearing me apart mentally - I'm not even fully over when this happened with my grandmother.. …Which is part of the stress.

Death figured out my point. I only apologize that I might have came off as uncaring.

I want to help my aunt. I really do. I'm in no situation to do so. I can't do much. I can't - I can't help financially, and I don't have the ability at all to do anything else. I've been fairly patient at first, and the patience is wearing thing - I am not used to my aunt being like this. Before she fell, and before she was bedridden, she was a nearly healthy woman. She did everything for herself. She had some pain here and there, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle - and if there were issues, we could help her. We as in myself, my mother, or anyone else. Her memory was starting to get worse, but she was pretty much as functional as say, myself.

Now, it seems that dementia, or whatever is affecting her memory accelerated fast - strangely fast. Was it the fall? The fact she was 4 weeks overdue for a blood transfusion and started feeling weird due to that issue? The mistreatment? I don't know. But the fact that she went from a stubborn/strong "I can do everything" person to an "I can't" kind of person that's OVERLY weak, OVERLY sensitive to pain and functions like a child. I'm finally coming to terms with it, but I still find it tough to fully accept such a thing. She was never like this, and the fact that the next time I see her at home, she's no longer motivated to do anything, and just sits in the bed, dying, not even attempting to get up and try to walk again is tearing us apart.

I work retail. I cut my hours - my VERY MUCH NEEDED hours to help however I can for my aunt. And for several months, it didn't bother me. Let me remind you, this meant working only 3 days, just paying the bills, and not being able to contribute financially to the house like I did (considering we barely make cash, I agreed to do this, for at least things like food, some internet usage since I use the computer a lot). My hours are mostly cut down to 2 due to our DM not giving us more hours now. So I'm barely able to pay my bills, and I tend to have to borrow money that my other family members don't really have. We can barely afford the aid that comes every Monday-Friday for the few hours she's here. I can't stomach being able to clean and change her every few hours - I've tried. My uncle has a weak immune system and is expressley forbidden from being around that/touching it as much as possible, as well as things like raw meat, etc…. My OTHER uncle (they're brothers) doesn't help much by being there, but he contributes MOST of the money financially - but he's bought a house, and needs to take care of the house as well as my aunt. The reason I want to do MY stuff - the game, the competition? Not to be greedy. If I can't snag any other form of work that pays better, I NEED TO KEEP TRYING TO EARN CASH. I feel that if I don't even TRY to do my art/web design/programming/whatever, it's worse than just dealing with the job I have now. I NEED to do this. It's not whether or not I WANT to.

My mom has been stressed - she's been doing the most. I have promised not to explain SOME worries that myself and my mom have, but it's a VERY important issue. Other than that, she's dealing with two lives, two sets of bills, barely ensuring she has sleep to be able to work and not lose her job, or go insane. She's turned into my aunt - which when she was better, she was always bitching about stuff - when she wasn't being nice (old homeowner), and my grandfather/my mother's dad - who was downright evil, I daresay. He was fucking insane. I could write a whole other essay on that guy. It's brought me back to a very bad point in my life, mentally. It's freaking me out even more.

…I could keep going, but needless to say, it's the combination of stress that I've never been able to get rid of as a kid, mixed with everything now. No break, no real chance to be a 'kid' like everyone else. I'm stuck with this shit.

I'm sorry that I come off as "selfish" or "rude". Quite frankly, I don't mean to sound like a teenager that thinks he's the victim. Maybe I just don't know the right words or how to explain it, but I've done quite a lot, myself. My family has seen it, they've aknowledged it. I'm nowhere near as heartless as I somehow come across as.

But honestly? How am I expected to help others if I'm in such a shit situation, myself? How do I give up my life and my time when I've got nothing else left to give up? Trust, me, if I could give the shirt off my back I would, but how do I do that if I have no more shirts to give? Does that make any more sense to your people than whatever else I said? THAT is what's driving me crazy. THAT is what's stressing me out. I want to help, but I am at the end of my rope.

So I simplify it: I need out. I need to get my head above the proverbial water, and get a few breaths for myself. I have no way to, yet. And now it seems I can't find a way to properly explain myself without giving excessive amounts of detail and coming off as a douchebag.

tl;dr: Sorry I didn't explain my life's story, and how I'm literally running out of any way to help the people I fucking love, simply by doing what I can with what I have now to do so.

Anthony, thank you for taking the time to explain your post in more detail. While I stand by the original point of my comment, I can see more clearly where you're coming from and can understand the stress and frustration you're feeling. Apologies if I came across as attacking or deriding you, it was not my intention. I wasn't trying to call you a "douchebag" nor was I trying to say anything about you as a person; just that, from what I had read, in this situation you were being selfish. However, from your explanation it's clear that that's not the case as the stress you feel is from not being able to help as much as you'd like. And that is something I have felt myself and something I know can be very disheartening.

Like I say, I stand by my original point (death, this is aimed at you, too) - family is everything. So while I know you feel like you're not able to help, be it financially or physically, little things can always go a long way. Even if it's making dinner now and then or getting your mum a cup of tea - it all helps.

I'm incredibly sorry for the position you're in and the state of health your aunt is in and I only hope that something helps to both take the stress off you and your family and helps your aunt. I sincerely hope that things look up for you soon.

I must say I disagree with your statement about family. I have never much understood the importance of blood ties. You don't choose your family, why should you hold these people you happen to be related to in higher regard than people who have gained your friendship?

Personally, I get along with pretty much all of my relatives and I am thankful for their company, but I know several people who could do with a little less family.

Rolf - I include friendship in that, as stated in my original comment.

I don't hold my family in higher regard just because I'm related to them. Personally I hold them in high regard because they're the ones who brought me up and have given me the opportunities to do the things that I'm able to do in my life now. I hold the friends who have supported me and been a big part of my life in equally high regard.

I like sirxemic's definition of family.