Timeless

Posted by death on Sept. 21, 2012, 5:52 a.m. 🔒

This was a short and quick concept for a video game. bad reception has caused me to pull it from the Recent Activity panel. it has been labeled unreadable so there is no reason to continue reading pass this point.

one day, an average man wakes up in his apartment at 7:15 am. he gets ready for work, just as he does any other day. he eats breakfast, puts on his tie and reads the newspaper. or at least he attempted to. there was no paper waiting at his door this morning. this made the man curious. he goes down to the lobby to see if there was a copy laying about. when he gets there, the room is completely vacant. "well that's odd" thought the man. he ignores it and goes to the parking lot. he notices the parking lot is completely full. almost as if not a single person has left the building today. "is there a holiday i don't know about?" questioned the man. still he decided to shrug off his doubts and get into his car. before he starts the car, he checks his cell phone. "7:15am" it reads. "well… that can't be right." he thought. the man discarded any suspicions he had about the device and put the key into the keyhole. he twists the key and expects a loud churning sound. instead he gets nothing. nothing at all. not even a strutering sound. not even a clanky sound. no sound at all…

this is where the man finally stops and realizes something is wrong… something is terribly wrong. he instantly gets the feeling that he has a much larger problem than his car not starting. there had been a strange mood creeping up on him all morning and he has ignored it until now. he flips open his phone and decides to call his boss. he presses the number keys but the numbers do not appear. he almost expected this to happen. he throws the phone down and gets out of the car. standing in the parking lot with no one else around. the subway, he thought. "i'll take the subway". he was almost sure it would be a useless decision but he walked forward anyway. now in the lobby again, he takes another look around. still no one. so he heads for the front door. as he takes a step out onto the street, his eyes get greeted with the normal sight of parked cars and tall buildings. however his ears are confused. he hears nothing. nothing at all. not a single bird is chirping, not a single car is running. no voices and no noises.

the man finally begins to lose his cool. his curiousity has turned to fear. he questions whether or not he's even on earth anymore. he starts to run down the street, looking every which way for a sign of human life or any activity at all. he turns the corner and almost slams into somebody. "whoa!" the man screams. "oh god. i'm so sorry. i didn't see you there." the man instinctively appologizes. he's still huffing at this moment, his hands on his knees and his face toward the ground. he continues breathing, waiting for a response. a breif peroid of time has passed, maybe only a dozen seconds. even still, this is too long the man thought. he looks up and stares at the person in front of him. this woman's face is stiff. her body firm and balanced. "look i didn't mean any trouble" said the man. he got a bad feeling from the strict stance the woman in from of him had. but then, he stops moving. he stands still and stares into her eyes. something was odd about her. she didn't blink. she didn't move an inch. she looked… like a manequin. a wax figure perhaps. yet it seemed perfect in every way. mimicing a human's look with great detail. he got real close to her face, close enough that he would feel her breath, but he did not. he falls back frightened by the lifeless figure in front of him. he's on the floor looking up at her and she is still in the same exact position. "it's not alive!" screamed the man. he freaks out, crawling backwards quickly around the corner and waits for a few seconds. he slowly turns his head around and looks at the woman's position, still frozen in time.

his heart is facing, his hands are sweating. so unsure of what to do. he gets up and walks over more calmly this time. rational thought returning, he studies the woman-like doll. his mind coming to the conclusion that it must be some prank. he pokes the woman's face. it's solid. much harder then flesh. "ah ha! I knew it!" he yells out in joy. he feels almost victorious about his prediction. he laughes like a maniac and than skips down the street. this breif moment of joy made him completely forget the lack of events since he woke. He walks into a convenience store that he often visits before work. he walks around the aisles like he usually would and grabs a can of soda. walks to the front desk and waits. behind the counter is an open door. the cashier must be in the back he thought. he rings the service bell that's laid out on the counter for situations like this. he scratches his head and waits some more. he gets impatient and rings it again more violently. still no answer. he screams into the back "hey is anybody gonna check me out?" He digs into his pockets and grabs out some change than slams it on the table. he walks towards the exit and calls out "i left the money on the counter" and than walks out casually.

what a strange day he thought. nothings seemed right. he continues down the street and snaps open his can. looking around as he sips, he still seems surprised that no one is around on a Tuesday in a usually-crowded city. he walks down the stairs leading to the subway. continues down a hallway and turns. turnstiles block his path. he softly walks into it and hits it stiff. it doesn't turn. a little frustrating but he gets over it. he hopes over it and walks forward. he's now at the train, looks to the left and see's an open door. he rushes thinking it'll close soon. he runs into the doorway and into the train. his first impression of the inside was normal, people standing, people sitting, at a glance nothing is unusual. he sits down and wipes his face with his hands. feeling comfortable in a normal enviornment he relaxes a bit. puts his back into the seat and closes his eyes. he thinks back to the doll-woman he saw earlier and chuckles at his reaction. while doing so he starts to feel uneasy. once again there is no sound filling up this crowded train. not even a cough or two. no pre-recorded voices over a speaker telling passengers to stand clear of the doorway. he opens his eyes and looks around. he see's people, very still people. he stares at them for a good 30 seconds before blinking. "what.. the.. hell?" he see's the two girls' sitting across from him, their faces in a humorous expression, unmoving and unchanging. just as solid as a doll's face. he begins to panic. his comfort vanishes instantly. he jumps up and starts to yell almost nonsense. "what is wrong with it?" not making much sense he gets close to a man next to him and screams "are you listening?" in his face. not a single motion appears. he turns and than targets an older woman standing, he walks up to hear and lifts out his arms to push her but his arms have no effect, the woman is stiff as a rock and the man walks right into her. he collapses as it feels like he hit a brick wall. he looks around him, and he doesn't know what to make of it all… but than he notices the digital clock above the doorway. the digits read "7:15 am"… and than he realizes, these aren't dolls. it all finally connects, the newspaper, the car, his phone, it all points to the same conclusion. time has stopped moving. everything is frozen in time… expect for the man. he is the only living being on the planet. the only thing that breathes and the only thing that moves… he is alone.

author's notes: i usually don't feel comfortable sharing my writing as i always get harsh criticism on my writing ability, usually relating in my terrible grammar. i suppose this is why i don't spend much time writing, maybe if i had better encouragement or motivation i would practice more and get better. maybe even get interested in it… anyway i've been doing a lot of writing recently for game ideas. This being a favorite of mine, i decided to post it. i have a whole bunch more but this one was the most interesting to me. took me about 15 minutes to write. the story for my S4D competition is much longer than this. This particular story may or may not become a game though. The story also continues, this is only the introduction :)

So tell me what you think. is it worth continuing or should i just dump it into the void? (aka folder with hundreds of forgotten projects)

Comments

death 12 years, 3 months ago

heh also let it be known, i wrote this in 15 mins at 6 am or so. Went to sleep at 7am and just woke up now! damn i really gotta fix my schedule…

firestormx 12 years, 3 months ago

Quote:
And thanks death, you've made me consider posting some shorts up here.
When I saw this, I was thinking of posting another pointless comment here, saying how I wouldn't read this if you posted it.

But since you called me out on it…I wouldn't read it.

JuurianChi 12 years, 3 months ago

Quote:
"hey, I know my grammar is messed up but this is a concept for a game, not an actual story I plan to publish"

I must have missed the part about it being for a game.

.~. - Oh, no. there wasn't one.

Don't take it personally.

death 12 years, 3 months ago

Quote: JuurianChi
I must have missed the part about it being for a game.

.~. - Oh, no. there wasn't one.

Don't take it personally.
Quote: death
This particular story may or may not become a game though.
it's on my blog. The "may not" part simply means it might never be made but it is simply a game design idea that was written out in more detail. I like to do this because i want the outline to be as specific as possible.

mr8bit 12 years, 3 months ago

Might have been better to post something like:

"Hey guys, I was thinking about making a game about a guy who gets stuck in time. You think that's a good idea?"

Sorry if me trying to help you or my opinions hurt your feelings. Your purpose for this post was about as clear as your writing.

death 12 years, 3 months ago

Perhaps i should have. it thought about it but eventually decided against it. Why? dunno, it was 6 am. But i assume it had something to do with how people would consider it. If they went in thinking it was an idea for a game, it might change how they take in the story. Many people don't take story telling seriously in gaming.

Recently i've been wanting to create stories told through the player's experience. Being inspired by games like Portal, Cry of Fear, Condemned and even The Stanley Parable. These games made me realize just how great story telling in a video game can be. They're some of my favorites and i think they might be pioneers in a new movement. Gamers like me have always been trying to argue that games are good story telling mediums but many people still won't take it seriously. I hope to change that some day.

Castypher 12 years, 3 months ago

I think games are great storytelling mediums. Interactive stories like visual novels and other story-driven games could make a great alternative for books someday.

Books will always have their place though. Some people like them for various understandable reasons.

death 12 years, 3 months ago

Than you don't have :P

You also don't have to post if you got no opinion toward the story, and will only mention things already mentioned 10 times before you.

I find it funny people have such a hard time reading it because of i not being capitalized and there not being enough paragraphs. I don't think it's hard to read, i think you simply don't want to read. It must be the standard way or it's unacceptable. Maybe people are just so trained to read things a certain way, they can't stand to see it differently, even though it makes little to no difference in the overall concept.

In it's current state, it's not going to be changed. it's simply a sloppy idea for a game. not even the concepts are set in stone, i may make changes during the development. If you don't want to read it, that's cool bro, just don't expect me to give a shit about your useless posts.

death 12 years, 3 months ago

It's the internet! i was trained by the internet how to write. seriously i pass all my English courses with flying colors, how can i be blamed for bad writing? it's the fucking system man. If i suck, than i don't deserve the passing grade i've been getting! And you might say "take it upon yourself" oh i would, if i was interested in that field but alas i've chosen programming instead.

However I will consider cleaning it up a bit more if there is a next time. So I'll keep that in mind.

Also after 20 years of writing in school, if i still suck than it's just not something i'm ever going to accomplish. I just don't think that way and i don't care to train my habits into mastering something i find useless to me. Also keep in mind that when writing for a class, i know what the professors want, i write it the way they would not how i would. Also i've noticed my pen and paper habits are far better than my typing habits (which are made up of mostly forum posts!)

firestormx 12 years, 3 months ago

inb4 shitstorm about excuses, and disregards.