Been a bit high in the sky, falling from my broken heart as it endured a thousand toothpicks of stone, drifting toward the Sun of light and joy, abandoning the Earth and all reason to dwell in stupidity and optimism but not opium. So sayeth I, loser of F-Zero.
EAT MY LONG USELESS SKIT.ACT 1The Sino-Burmese War has claimed the lives of a hundred thousand men. Their souls linger and paranormal abnormalities are a regular occurrence on the battlefield. Blood, steel, sorrow.Bright ball of flame that thro the gloom of even Silently takest thine etherial way And with surpassing glory dimmst each ray Twinkling amid the dark blue Depths of Heaven Unlike the Fire thou bearest, soon shall thou Fade like a meteor in surrounding gloom Whilst that unquencheable is doomed to glow A watch light by the patriots lonely tomb A ray of courage to the opprest & poor, A spark tho' gleaming on the hovel's hearth Which thro the tyrants gilded domes shall roar A beacon in the darkness of the Earth A Sun which oer the renovated scene Shall dart like Truth where Falshood yet has been
KAII have delivered the pizza and slept with your daughter. I now demand my attendance to the coronation ceremony possible. I wish not stand in the cold rain while the new emperor is crowned by Heaven.
GARIBALDISay, you slept with my daughter?KAIOh, I let that slip out.GARIBALDIDid you now?KAII like to lie.GARIBALDIOh really?KAIYou scare me. I think it’s your small eyes.GARIBALDIOhhh. So, they scare you, do they?KAII just answered that.GARIBALDII seee. I seeeee.KAIOH SHIVA. YOU GOT FANGS.GARIBALDINOW YOU UNDERSTAND MAI TU POWAH.KAII HAVE A KNIFE. A VERY SHINY SHARP SILVER KNIFE, I MUST ADD.GARIBALDII HAVE MURDEROUS VIRGINS. VERY HUNGRY CANNIBAL MURDEROUS VIRGINS, I MUST ADD.KAITHAT’S HOT.GARIBALDII KNOW.Enter KAWAKAMI.
KAWAKAMIRun for your life, Kai Song Li Song Li Lee! He’s… a vampire!KAIThis is a… PLOT TWIST.GARIBALDIWhat plot?KAII have a modest plot which I grow exotic plants for my pleasure and many other intellectuals. KAWAKAMII do also.GARIBALDINow, I must kill you all. I will shoot my fireballs at you and you will be hurt deeply for I will send it up your bottom.
Enter LINGLING.LINGLINGYou mustn’t, father. He is… my lover, and if you commit this dastardly murder, I shall kick you in the balls.KAII’m not your lover.LINGLINGYes you are.KAIOk.Enter SOLDIER.
SOLDIERIT’S A TRAP! That’s not Lingling!SOLDIER attacks LINGLING for 100 damage. LINGLING’s second form is revealed: CHENG WU!
CHENG WUOh dear! My true form has been revealed!GARIBALDIYou dare betray me, Cheng Wu? I am a level 99 Vampire.KAIGaribaldi’s STR is 999!KAWAKAMIDoes he have the DEF to back it up?KAIYes! 999 DEF! However, I equipped the Light Ring. He is a creature of the night and thus, maximum damage shall be inflicted on his soul!GARIBALDII like to sunbathe. I have grown invulnerable to Light damage.KAIBut are you immune to what’s under my pants?GARIBALDIYes. Quite immune.CHENG WUI am not immune to it though.KAIShut up.CHENG WUYou make me cry.SOLDIERWe must kill these three men!GARIBALDIAttack!KAIWait! Did I even have sexual relations with Lingling or was Cheng Wu dressed as Lingling?CHENG WUYes, you so hammered her.KAIOk. I can die in peace then.KAWAKAMIYou cannot die yet! We have dreams of conquering Korea!KAIKorean women are hot.KAWAKAMIYes! We cannot give up now! Let us use the neutron bomb in our inventory!GARIBALDI and SOLDIER are hit for 99999999999999999 damage.GARIBALDITHIS CANNOT BE! Neutron bombs do not exist yet!KAIWe opened a hole through the quantum matrix super fabric hole and procured one from a man named… HAMMER.GARIBALDIThis Hammer, I shall exact my revenge upon when I am resurrected in 2035.KAISo long, goddamned bathead!GARIBALDIWRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!SOLDIEROH LAWD.Exit GARIBALDI and SOLDIER. Enter Lingling.LINGLING****. You killed my father.KAIHE WAS SECRETLY A PASTY WHITE from the Dutch East Indies.LINGLINGStill, you blew him up. He’s all over the room now.KAIWe’ll clean it up.LINGLINGOk. Fare thee well, then, Kai Song Li- um, I forgot the rest of your name.KAINo need to apologize and do not leave so soon.LINGLINGI didn’t apologize. I don’t care.KAIOh. You hurt me.CHENG WUThat is why, I should be the true Lingling and not this crude damsel!CHENG WU takes out very shiny knife.KAIDare not commit such a crime, Wu!CHENG WUShe leaves me with no choice! I- HEART ATTACK!CHENG WU is hit for 1000 damage.CHENG WUIs this the end of CHEEEENG WUUUUUUUU? Yes, it is.! Ack! Argh! Ow! Oof!KAIPoof. Thou art a soul now residing in the deepest of Hell, wretch. Lingling, we must go to Korea and meet gorgeous ladies and dispose of the man in charge, Kim Kap Hwan!LINGLINGWhat about Kawakami?KAWAKAMII have business in Japan. I must make ramen and throw it at poor people. Adieu.Exit KAWAKAMI.KAILet us go, my lady. We will go by balloon.The Qiaos are so much hotter than Lingling.
Is that like Kahn from King of the Hill? Who gets pissed whenever people call him him Vietnamese when he's really Laotian? (did I spell that right?)
Kinda, but distance-wise and all, it's dlastic.
"KAI
HE WAS SECRETLY A PASTY WHITE from the Dutch East Indies."thats racist.!