n00b Ecology

Posted by Extravisual on July 27, 2006, 9:28 a.m.

This is a joke article. If you are one of those people who always take things seriously, leave now, I don't want you reading my blog.

Now, on to the article.

The n00b (N00bea Stupidus) Is a common creature found all over earth. The specific colonies that are referenced in this article are the ones habituating Game Maker areas. n00bs, despite eradication attempts by smarts, are exceptionally common around here. N00bs can reproduce two ways:

a) Bacterial multiplication

b) Coral-type Cloning and Colonization

Here is an explanation of the two types:

a) These ones tend to split into two smaller n00bs every time they get pwnd. While having two small noobs is better than having 1 big one, these n00bs grow at a high rate, and tend to grow to twice the size of the first noob in half the time.

b) These noobs will form colonies around a large structure, creating an object that looks like a brain, but doesn't think like one. At all. These Coral-noobs will reproduce by cloning themselves, and living on top of the dead ones. When enough of these grow, it gives the appearance of a HUMONGOUS brain, but on the inside of it, is just a bunch of dead, mindless noobs. Occasionally a noob will split off of the original colony, and form a colony of its own. These tend to be recognized as very small brains and killed off quickly. A supreme example of a coral-noob colony is the GMC. These noob colonies get so big, they are impossible to exterminate.

The reason of the survival of n00bs is unknown to smarts, the leading smart scientists theorize that the n00bs are like the dodo's, they lived for thousands of years, until one day they decide that jumping off a cliff would be a good way to test the gravity on their game.

The best advice anyone can give you about avoiding noobs is: Hide.

Comments

Firebird 18 years, 3 months ago

I inspired this ^_^.

What a great article.

Extravisual 18 years, 3 months ago

Meh, I liked my Fireworks one better… I am/was tired as I wrote this…

Joewoof 18 years, 3 months ago

Meh. It's not so good. I've read a much better article on GameFAQs that literally threw me off my chair, laughing. I actually cried from laughing so hard and had a stomach ache for the following week.

But anyway… n00b swarms are scary.

Extravisual 18 years, 3 months ago

Heh, like I said, I would have written a much better article had I not been so tired today… I did not get any sleep last night.

I'd really like to see that article…

Eternal 18 years, 3 months ago

I knew n00bs weren't people!

Acid 18 years, 3 months ago

XD Very funny.

Juju 18 years, 3 months ago

I think an injection of more biological terms on reproduction could have made it funnier still. But yeah, I'm a bastard.

If I could rate blogs, this would get 10/10!

elmernite 18 years, 3 months ago

Pretty funny!

-Elmernite

Extravisual 18 years, 3 months ago

#7: I totaly agree. I need some people to throw around some ideas with…

Snakeman 18 years, 3 months ago

WE inspired the firework one on AIM, talking about how much we hated them. REMEMBER?!?!? XD good times, goooood times…