It is an unsurprising fact that I am a lonely, single male who, for the right woman, would upon request seriously consider lobbing off his own leg for no real reason aside from her lols. As such, I've heard much advice lately from friends to stop being my shy self and "going after what I want." So last friday I asked a girl out and I'm not sure if it went terribly wrong or if I was unfortunate in the timing.
15309Before you click that o-so tempting "Show" button, let me explain that I wrote out lots and lots of crap, sat back and thought "blaurgaflarg, this is too big and crappy." I thought maybe a few of you may want to skim the premise of it so I shoved it all in this here hide tag. I suggest you don't click it. (*watches you click it*):<
I met this girl on the second day of school, about 2 weeks ago, we were both trying to add into the same class. We talked a bit, but not much. Then later in the same day I ran into her trying to add into the same chem class as me. Again some time to talk but not much, however I saw her later that day trying to add into another chem class (after 2 weeks we both ended up not getting any of those classes). Here we got a good amount of talking done.I assumed I would see her Thursday, judging by the classes we visited. However I didn't, and was sad that day :(The next week on Thursday I saw her, but she was hanging out with her friend and I felt like she was avoiding me from what she was saying and changing where she was going, so I just kinda gave up :(Then, Friday, she seemed to want to hang out with me, we ate together, but afterward she said she had to go to the library. In my head I kept screaming at myself to ask her out, that I wouldn't be able to at the library and it's my last chance (it wasn't). However I was stupid or too scared to ask her right there and then so I just went to the library with her. Sadly she needed to go to the computer lab and I had already mentioned that I had my laptop. So I lost her and jumped onto my laptop to chat with RC and see what I should do. RC pumps me up to find her and ask her out no matter what and that is what I do. Sadly she wasn't in the library at that point, however I was lucky enough to find her at the cafeteria. I felt like this was my only chance, and I couldn't return to RC without taking it….
I meant sooner. I'm sorry Ferret. T_T
I know how you feel, man. I've been in a very similar situation myself. The best advice I can give you is to drop the advances. Stop now, before you lose a friend, and get a reputation you don't want.
It sounds harsh, and believe me, I know you don't want to drop it, but that's life.On a less dramatic note, be cool. Don't fawn, don't treat her differently from other people, and yeah. Even if you don't get anywhere, it's cool to have friends.Everyone's giving the same advice: "Be cool. Chill out. She'll be a good friend if the plan fails." This, of course, is bullshit. You've only got her email address. You're not friends yet, you're not even acquaintances. This would still be bullshit even if you'd known each other for years.
Dote on her. Compliment her. Be over the top. Ask her out at the opportune time. Listen. Pay for her. Be a gentleman or be a little rude. But be moral. Don't fuck her on the first date. Be friends with her friends. Call her back.Don't be average.Juju, Americans aren't the same as British. Not all of your rules apply to us. It's like assuming the Japanese and the Chinese are perfectly similar, when everyone knows they're two completely different worlds. So putting down our advice isn't going to help any more than telling him "You have no chance."
Even in the same country, things are different. Californians aren't the same as New Yorkers.Other than that, Juju makes some fairly obvious points. Listen to her, and show that you want to be her friend.I don't necessarily agree with doting. It gets old fast. The same goes for compliments. You can easily exhaust the meaning if you do it a lot.I could always point out the obvious and say "be yourself," because if someone doesn't like you for the way you are, they aren't worth your time. Don't put on a show.Confidence wins partners (guys or girls) the world over. Being "nice" isn't the best way to show you're confident. Therefore, being nice isn't the best way to win partners. You have to back up manners with something else.
I thought you were having a go at my "don't be cool" strategy. No? I'm confused. This happens easily.
Being cool isn't the same as being nice. Therefore, not being cool doesn't make you nice. And being nice doesn't make you not cool. Being "cool" in my terms, and for the purpose of this blog, means "stop worrying," not "put on a face."
I never said that your strategy was bad, just that there were bits that I disagreed with, namely the doting and complimenting parts. Like I said, it gets old and meaningless, and not all women want to be showered with love a lot if even at all.So, sorry if it sounded like I was trying to confront you. It's not like you ever correct people. And on that note, since the sarcasm tag still doesn't exist, let me finish with:[/sarcasm]Oh, I see. Yep, the problem is that I was using "nice" pejoratively. The whole carry her bags for her, help her move house, buy new tissues and ice cream when her douchebag boyfriend breaks up with her; that kinda thing. I equate this with acting "cool" - insofar that you don't make it blatantly obvious you're interested - the whole "don't mention it, it's ok really" mentality.
In my opinion and in my experience, and the strategy reflects this, if you don't win someone over in the first few weeks it is unlikely to ever happen. You're 100% correct in that the over-the-top smarmy crap gets old but the strategy doesn't cover keeping your partner happy, it's merely for getting that first romantic encounter set up.I have no idea what you guys are talking about, but I'm just not going to peruse it any further.
Also, I'm not friends with her or anything, I probably won't ever see her again.